Scratch

Animeboy975 wrote:

I did this on Misc.
FIRST 3 CHAPTERS:
CHAPTER 1: Getting ready
So first things first, i was really interested in japan ever since i did my report on Kanagawa. I found it really interesting, and i have been obsessed ever since. I asked my parents if i could go to Japan, mainly because i'm an only child. They said yes, which is rather strange because the said "no" when i wanted to go to Montreal. I'm going tommorow, so i am packing my carry-on. I am going for 2 weeks, and i told my teacher Mr. Blaine that i am going to japan. I feel excited, because i will get to see many attractions. I checked the carry-on and went to bed. I have a big day in front of me, so i need my rest.


Chapter 2:Boredom and boredom
I woke up early, of course. My parents woke me up, which i went on the internet for 10 minutes. I grabbed my carry-on and got in the car. I know i will miss my house, but i am mostly excited. I entered my car and we drove to the airport. I  live in CA, so i need to fly to Hawaii. I got my breakfast and i headed in the plane. I listened to music while my parents slept, and i slept later because i get nervous when we fly over water. It was boring. We landed, and got out

Chapter 3:The final flight, and the long one!
I exited the bridge, and saw the Hawaiian beach out the windows of the airport. It was a beautiful noon, and time for lunch. I've never mentioned how much i love lunch. I saw a Hawaiian place, which i ate at because of my love for Hawaiian food. We had a long  layover, but felt short. It was already time to board the flight from Hawaii to Tokyo, which i entered the bridge excitedly. It was long for sure, but i have had experiance with that kind of stuff (AKA the flight from NYC back to my home of Sacramento) We got on, and i went to sleep because of my large fear of flying over water (mentioned earlier.) When my mom woke me up, we had just been flying over the big city of Tokyo. I was so excited! Than, i heard a bump. We had just landed.

What do you think? Give advice and discuss the story/series.

Cool, but you don't need to go to Hawaii from California to get to Japan. Most flights in the USA going to Japan start from California.

Have you ever beento nihon?

Are going to go anywhere other than Tokyo?

Does it take you a week to write a paragraph?

Animeboy975 wrote:

I
CHAPTER 1: Getting ready
So first things first, I was very interested in Japan ever since I did my report on Kanagawa. I found it really interesting, and I have been obsessed ever since. I asked my parents if I could go to Japan [the next part of this sentence made no sense :I]. They said yes, which is rather strange because they said "no" when I wanted to go to Montreal. I'm going tommorow, so I am packing my carry-on. I am going for 2 weeks, and I told my teacher, Mr. Blaine, that I am going to japan. I feel excited, because I will get to see many attractions. I checked the carry-on and went to bed. I have a big day in front of me, so I need my rest.


Chapter 2:Boredom and boredom
I woke up early, of course. My parents woke me up, and I went on the internet for 10 minutes before we left. I grabbed my carry-on and got in the car when it was finally time to leave. I know I will miss home, but I'm excited for the most part. I entered my car and we drove to the airport. I live in California, so I need to fly to Hawaii to get on the plane to Japan. I got my breakfast and proceeded to board the plane. I listened to music while my parents slept. Later I fell asleep because I get nervous when we fly over water. We finally landed, and got out of the plane.

Chapter 3:The final flight, and the long one!
I exited the bridge, and saw the Hawaiian beach out the windows of the airport. It was a beautiful evening, not to mention that it was time for lunch. I saw a Hawaiian place, which I went to to eat because of my love for Hawaiian food. We had a long layover, but it felt short. It was already time to board the flight from Hawaii to Tokyo, and I boarded the plane excitedly. It was long flight, for sure, but I've had experience with that kind of stuff, like on my flight from New York to Sacramento. We got on, and I went to sleep for reasons previously mentioned. When my mom woke me up, we were flying over the marvelous city of Tokyo. I was so excited! Then, I heard a bump. We had finally landed.

Chapter 5: First Day
"Uhh..." I say while i wake up. I got off my bed and waited a bit for my parents to wake up. After they woke up, we went down to the hotel and i had breakfast at the hotel. I sat on my knees and the waiter brought me a plate of nori. I have never had nori, which i tried and i loved it. After a bit, we went out and shopped. I saw a video game store, which had all sorts of un-realeased games. I did not have enough yen to buy anything. We then went to a sushi restraunt. It was really good, and after our long day of shopping, we went back to our room and i slowly fell asleep, excited for tommorow.

kimmy123 wrote:

Animeboy975 wrote:

Chapter 5: First Day
"Uhh..." I say while i wake up. I got off my bed and waited a bit for my parents to wake up. After they woke up, we went down to the hotel and i had breakfast at the hotel. I sat on my knees and the waiter brought me a plate of nori. I have never had nori, which i tried and i loved it. After a bit, we went out and shopped. I saw a video game store, which had all sorts of un-realeased games. I did not have enough yen to buy anything. We then went to a sushi restraunt. It was really good, and after our long day of shopping, we went back to our room and i slowly fell asleep, excited for tommorow.

What happened to Chapter 4? 

You'll find it go down until you see chapter 4, it's like in the middle of the thread.

Animeboy, can you PLEASE READ MY TIPS?
Also, why would you go to Japan to shop? You should be learning about the culture.

your tense in chapter five kept switching when you were talking about nori

it's contradictory

"I have never tried nori. I tried it and i loved it." that's like saying

"I've never been on a roller coaster  I went on a roller coaster and i loved it"
it doesn't work

Last edited by bananaman114 (2012-02-06 21:14:59)