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#1 2012-01-19 22:40:03

jakeemma
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-05-24
Posts: 100+

Fanfiction #3: Love I

My next FanFic! I really want this one to turn out good, so please don't flame this. Updates regularly.

In this FanFic, a young couple meet for the first time and feel different about each other (This FanFic series does not relate True Colors.) As they grow together, they become farther apart. But one person does not like this one bit, and he really wants to lead him on the right path. But when you meet someone you love, you can not leave them alone.
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Love I
Rated PG (?), Romance & Humor, Chapters: 3, Damian & Tails
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Chapter 1: Smitten

"Freedom Fighters. Listen up." Sally Acorn said during an important meeting. "I am proud to introduce our new member transferring from the Freedom Fighters of the North, Damian." A young boy by the age of twelve stepped over he wore a long black sleeveless hoodie and was barefoot. He had brown hair and gold eyes. "Hey Tails! I think he could be a good influence on you!" Sonic whispered to Tails.

Tails felt OK when ever he met other new Freedom Fighters, but he felt different about Damian.

"Hey Sonic?" Tails said after the meeting. "Yeah Tails?" Sonic responded. "Is it normal to feel different about someone? Like love?" Tails asked. Sonic's intrest piqued. "Tails, who do you have your heart set on?" Sonic was becoming more persistent. "Uh... it's none over your business..." Tails said nervously before turning to head for his hut. Sonic followed.

"Tails, I just want to know!" Sonic said. "Sonic... It's none of your BUISNESS!" Tails screamed in Sonic's face before pushing him out of his hut and slamming the door. Tails felt something he never felt before. It was love, but a different kind of love. Tails started to sweat when he heard a knock on his door. He wiped the sweat off of his forehead and walked over to the door. When he opened it, he started sweating again.

It was Damian. "Hi! I'm Damian! What's your name?" he asked. "Tails... " Tails nervously responded. "Well, that's a nice name! Mind if I come in?" Damian asked. "Sure..." Tails was really nervous. Tails sat on his bed, joined by Damian as well. Tails was crazily nervous. "You seem kind of nervous. You alright?" Damian asked. "I'm fine..." Tails felt his heart beat faster and faster every second. "I guess I'll go meet the others. Have a nice day!" Damian said as he left Tails' hut. Tails was about to scream. He had never been that nervous in his entire life. He felt something different, because he liked Damian more than a friend.

Tails was smitten.

{End of Chapter 1}
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 2: No Good

Sonic was wandering around outside of his own hut, thinking about Tails's question. He wondered. "Sonic!" Sonic heard Sally's voice. He turned to see Sally running over to him. "Yeah Sal?" Sonic asked. "Have you seen Tails? I haven't seen him since the meeting." Sally reponded. "I was with him at his hut, before he screamed in my face and slammed the door on me." Sonic answered. "Why would Tails do that?" Sally asked. "Well, he asked me a question, and I kinda became persistent on getting the answer." Sonic said. "He asked me if it's normal to feel different on someone, like love. I was wondering who he had his heart set on." "Well that's different. Tails never asked a question like that before." Sally said. "We should look for him. He might still be in his hut." Sally said.

To their surprise, Tails wasn't in his hut. Sonic and Sally got worried. "He hasn't been the same since Damian came around. I wonder..." Sonic said. "Sonic! Look!" Sally exclaimed. On the ground was Tails's socks and shoes. "Is he... barefoot?" Sally wondered. "I guess so. But we have to find him." Sonic said. "We should ask Damian. Maybe he knows where he is. After all, I saw him go in to Tails's hut this morning." Sonic said. "Maybe your on to something Sonic!" Sally said. But once again, nobody was home. "Even Damian is gone." Sally said. "We have to find them!"

Meanwhile, Tails was walking nervously through the woods, and was indeed barefoot. "Maybe I shouldn't be doing this..." Tails said to himself as he saw Damian sitting on a log, reading a book, completely oblivious to Tails being there. Tails walked over and said "Uh, hi." Damian looked up. "Oh, hi. Tails, right?" "Uh, right." Tails answered. "So what brings you here... are you barefoot?" Damian asked, looking at Tails's feet. Before he could get a reply, Tails hurried over and kissed him on the cheek. Completley startled by the act, he dropped his book straight on to the dirt and sat there, frozen. "Why did you just do that?" Damian asked. "Well... Uh... You see..." But that's all Tails could get out before hearing Sonic and Sally calling his and Damian's names. "Uh... gotta go... bye!" Tails said nervously before he dashed away as fast as he could, kicking up dust and dirt in his path.

Sonic and Sally turned the corner and saw Damian picking up his book. They rushed over. "Damian! Have you seen Tails?" Sally asked. "Uh, yeah. He was just here. He was barefoot and he just kissed me on the cheek before he ran that way as soon as he heard you calling for me and him." Damian said, pointing towards the direction Tails ran off in. Sonic stood frozen. Sally and Damian walked toward where Tails ran off. "Uh, Sonic? Are you coming or not?" Sally asked, looking back at Sonic. "I'll be there in a second." Sonic answered.

He finally understood Tails' question.

{End of Chapter 2}
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Chapter 3: Soulmate

Tails, now hiding in a tree, was scared out of his mind. He just kissed someone. He felt different, very different. "Tails!" Sonic called out. Sonic, Damian, and Sally were running throughout the forest. "Tails!" Damian shouted. "Tails! Where are you?" Sally shouted. 'They'll find me! I'm as good as dead!" Tails thought. He was sweating a lot. "I think he's up in that tree!" Damian shouted, looking up. Sonic and Sally saw. Tails' feet were sticking out of the leaves. "I got an idea..." Sonic said. He climbed the branches and into the tree. Damian and Sally heard muffled speaking, then laughter, then silence. Then, Sonic jumped out of the tree, holding Tails, who was unconsicous, in his arms. "I know what you did. Sonic, when will you learn?" Sally said. "Hey, he deserved it for running off." Sonic said. They walked back toward Knothole.

Meanwhile, a small camera was hidden nearby, and it was hooked up to the base of Robotnick, who was currently watching Sonic, Sally, Tails, and Damian. "Snivley! Get in here." Robotnick yelled. "Yes, sir?" Snivley asked as he walked into the room. "It seems something has sparked between two of those blasted Freedom Fighters." Robotnick said. "Really sir?" Snivley asked. "Apperantly I bet that it fits perfectly!" "Not quite," Robotnick said. "Wait, what?" Snivley asked. "It's between Damian and Tails." Robotnick said. "That's... Different..." Snivley said. "It will make them weaker, so we can plan a large ambush and hopefully wipe them out!" Robotnick exclaimed.

Later that night inside Tails' hut, Tails finally regained consicousness, and awoke to see Damian sitting on his bed with him. "Where am I?" Tails asked. "Your home, in bed." Damian answered. "You passed out, and Sonic, Sally, and I brought you home. But why did you kiss me?" "Well, you see, it's because I-" Tails got cut off, because... Damian bent over and kissed him on the cheek. "Save it, because I feel the same way." Damian said with a smile before he left the hut. Tails was left alone, with the only light being the flame of the candle on the table next to his bed. Tails smiled and blushed as he blew out the candle and drifted off to sleep. He was very happy that he could get that off of his chest. He was glad that Damian felt the same way. Tails had finally done it.

He had found his Soulmate.

{End of Chapter 3}
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Chapter 4: No Good (Part II)

{Coming Soon}
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3rd chapter is up! Yay! Please do not flame this FanFic. Please Read & Review.

Last edited by jakeemma (2012-01-25 22:40:10)


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#2 2012-01-25 18:51:00

Wickimen
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Registered: 2009-08-02
Posts: 1000+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

Lol, this is definitely not rated M.
Anyway I'll be honest with you
I didn't like it; I have never liked fanfics, and to tell the truth this was very brief and didn't seem to have that much of a plot
Credit where credit is due, this has some grammar errors, but not as many as in the typical fanfiction--for your age, which you've said before was 10, this is actually really good grammar-wise
I think it would be better if you wrote an original story rather than a fanfic


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#3 2012-01-25 19:00:54

luiysia
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Registered: 2011-07-05
Posts: 1000+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

Tip, you should go to a new line if there's dialogue from a new person except in certain cases like with quotations. See this.

If that's too long then you should link to a Google Docs thing or similar.


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#4 2012-01-25 19:32:16

jakeemma
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-05-24
Posts: 100+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

Wickimen wrote:

Lol, this is definitely not rated M.
Anyway I'll be honest with you
I didn't like it; I have never liked fanfics, and to tell the truth this was very brief and didn't seem to have that much of a plot
Credit where credit is due, this has some grammar errors, but not as many as in the typical fanfiction--for your age, which you've said before was 10, this is actually really good grammar-wise
I think it would be better if you wrote an original story rather than a fanfic

It's not done yet.  sad
Besides, I worked hard on this Fanfiction.

Last edited by jakeemma (2012-01-25 19:37:41)


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#5 2012-01-25 22:05:28

Wickimen
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-08-02
Posts: 1000+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

Just because you worked hard on something doesn't necessarily mean everyone's going to like it
Your writing in itself is pretty good, but I don't really like fanfictions--they always seem to be mainly intended for shipping or whatever
Still, if you don't want to stray from fanfictions and write something with your own characters and/or ideas, then I respect your opinion

Last edited by Wickimen (2012-01-25 22:05:53)


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#6 2012-01-25 22:13:20

videogame9
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Registered: 2008-05-12
Posts: 1000+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

What the heck kind of title is "Love I" anyway?


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QUOTE OF THE RIGHT NOW: why are we arguing about dead babies? -videogame9

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#7 2012-01-25 22:15:21

Nuttlajer
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Registered: 2011-01-01
Posts: 100+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

I don't know these characters, but I'll read the story anyway, because I like fanfiction, and I can ship anything once I've read a story about it.

Edit: Overall, it was decent, and you're near the same writing skill level as a lot of fanfiction I've read. You should probably extend it though.

Oh, and it's definitely not rated T. Probably PG, or even G.

Last edited by Nuttlajer (2012-01-25 22:16:01)


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#8 2012-01-25 22:15:28

Wickimen
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Registered: 2009-08-02
Posts: 1000+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

Damian bent over and kissed him on the cheek. "Save it, because I feel the same way." Damian said with a smile before he left the hut.

Also this totally constitutes a lifelong relationship!
Seems if Tails is in love with Damian just by looking at him then it's for shallow reasons


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#9 2012-01-25 22:24:57

jakeemma
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Registered: 2009-05-24
Posts: 100+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

Wickimen wrote:

Damian bent over and kissed him on the cheek. "Save it, because I feel the same way." Damian said with a smile before he left the hut.

Also this totally constitutes a lifelong relationship!
Seems if Tails is in love with Damian just by looking at him then it's for shallow reasons

Um. I'm not entirely sure if that's good or bad.


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#10 2012-01-25 22:26:01

jakeemma
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-05-24
Posts: 100+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

Nuttlajer wrote:

I don't know these characters, but I'll read the story anyway, because I like fanfiction, and I can ship anything once I've read a story about it.

Edit: Overall, it was decent, and you're near the same writing skill level as a lot of fanfiction I've read. You should probably extend it though.

Oh, and it's definitely not rated T. Probably PG, or even G.

Thanks! I'm still planing Ch. 4.


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#11 2012-01-25 22:26:26

Wickimen
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Registered: 2009-08-02
Posts: 1000+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

jakeemma wrote:

Wickimen wrote:

Damian bent over and kissed him on the cheek. "Save it, because I feel the same way." Damian said with a smile before he left the hut.

Also this totally constitutes a lifelong relationship!
Seems if Tails is in love with Damian just by looking at him then it's for shallow reasons

Um. I'm not entirely sure if that's good or bad.

The second line in that should be self-explanatory
The first line, though, was kind of sarcastic


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#12 2012-01-25 22:27:03

jakeemma
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-05-24
Posts: 100+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

videogame9 wrote:

What the heck kind of title is "Love I" anyway?

Love simplifies Romance. So this is a Rmance FanFic. The "I" part means it's the first in a series.


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#13 2012-01-25 22:35:53

jakeemma
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-05-24
Posts: 100+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

Wickimen wrote:

jakeemma wrote:

Wickimen wrote:


Also this totally constitutes a lifelong relationship!
Seems if Tails is in love with Damian just by looking at him then it's for shallow reasons

Um. I'm not entirely sure if that's good or bad.

The second line in that should be self-explanatory
The first line, though, was kind of sarcastic

I'm just trying to write a FanFic. I don't want to overload with detail. Besides, Tails doesn't love Damian for shallow reasons. I'm just not an expert on Romance.


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#14 2012-01-25 22:39:43

Wickimen
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Registered: 2009-08-02
Posts: 1000+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

...Nevermind


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#15 2012-01-25 22:44:17

jakeemma
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-05-24
Posts: 100+

Re: Fanfiction #3: Love I

I want to say that if anyone saw me mention that this story contains Yaoi, then that's wrong. I messed up. There is not and there won't be any Yaoi in this story at all. Enjoy!


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