Scratch

undefeatedgames wrote:

Whoa... I can see you type 

(h)

Pretty good so far. I don't have much to say owing to the fact that I quickly skimmed over it.

bump 

undefeatedgames wrote:

puppetadventurer wrote:

undefeatedgames wrote:

Whoa... I can see you type 

Can you suggest stuff for me?

It's pretty good. Maybe changed Harry's name. Too much of an allusion to HP.
Make the name original, like Clyde.

Well, Harry's name was originally Harrison (suggested by ruffle) and before that it was [____]. So I really don't know what it should be.

soupoftomato wrote:

Code:

Base the remainder of the story on a search 
for Eye Of Newt and have Harry and friends try 
to make the newt population extinct to put a stop to it.

Then turn it back on Harry and friends in a horrible twist of fate.

Explain to teacher how it teaches lessons of animal cruelty.

Actually his name is Casimir now 

I like it. It's like a parody of fantasy stories or something.

And, it's funny.

bump i guess

It looks good! I actually just posted a Story here on the forums called "True Colors." Check it out if you want.

Freakish wrote:

puppetadventurer wrote:

bump i guess

Ask your brother for help.

lololololol

i actually want more feedback than help

I thought it was good, but I thought the first paragraph was a little redundant.

One stormy night in a stormy castle, there was an evil wizard who was trying to come up with a way to destroy the good kingdom of Niceness. "Hmm..." the evil wizard pondered, "how could I destroy the good kingdom of Niceness, which I really don't like?”
    "You could-" one of the evil wizard's elemental minions started to say before he was cut off by the very rude and ill mannered evil wizard.
    "I was talking to myself!" the evil wizard fumed; he was often upset for not much of a reason. "Aha! I've got it! I'll simply-"

I think you're being a little redundant about describing the evil wizard as being evil.
In my opinion, something like this would probably do fine:

One stormy night in a stormy castle, there lived an evil wizard. "Hmm..." the wizard pondered, "how could I destroy the good kingdom of Niceness?”
    "You could-" one of the wizard's elemental minions started to say.
    "I was talking to myself!" the wizard fumed; he was often upset for not much of a reason. "Aha! I've got it! I'll simply-"

veggieman001 wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

I thought it was good, but I thought the first paragraph was a little redundant.

One stormy night in a stormy castle, there was an evil wizard who was trying to come up with a way to destroy the good kingdom of Niceness. "Hmm..." the evil wizard pondered, "how could I destroy the good kingdom of Niceness, which I really don't like?”
    "You could-" one of the evil wizard's elemental minions started to say before he was cut off by the very rude and ill mannered evil wizard.
    "I was talking to myself!" the evil wizard fumed; he was often upset for not much of a reason. "Aha! I've got it! I'll simply-"

I think you're being a little redundant about describing the evil wizard as being evil.
In my opinion, something like this would probably do fine:

One stormy night in a stormy castle, there lived an evil wizard. "Hmm..." the wizard pondered, "how could I destroy the good kingdom of Niceness?”
    "You could-" one of the wizard's elemental minions started to say.
    "I was talking to myself!" the wizard fumed; he was often upset for not much of a reason. "Aha! I've got it! I'll simply-"

I think redundancy is actually the point here.

But redundancy gets annoying.  Especially in the first paragraph. "Agh, this guy is too redundant and annoying.  I don't want to read a whole story like this," even if it's not the whole story.

soupoftomato wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

veggieman001 wrote:

I think redundancy is actually the point here.

But redundancy gets annoying.  Especially in the first paragraph. "Agh, this guy is too redundant and annoying.  I don't want to read a whole story like this," even if it's not the whole story.

Code:

I liked the style, for humorous purposes.

Well, I'm more of a minimalist.
That's why I find so much redundancy annoying.