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#1 2012-01-15 15:12:16

jukyter
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-06
Posts: 1000+

My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

A Sorceress of a Strange Country
Somewhere in a strange country, where the directions are reversed and ‘nobody dies’, lies a sorceress and leader, murdered by the saviour of her land. She wasn’t the cleverest and mostly relied on her sisters but she did well for herself. The sorceress had been elected ruler of a strange race of little people whom loved the colour blue. She believed she had won the election because of her strange blue skin and her maid, whom the little people loved as much as the sorceress loved herself.
She was one of four sisters, each conceived in an individual night of passion by a strange scribe and one of the princesses of the land, the Amzo. Her sisters were called Mombi, Adnilg and Maggie. The Sorceress’ own name was Ginger.
Ginger, Mombi and Maggie had always shunned Adnilg for reasons Ginger started to forget in her later years but Adnilg would always remember. Adnilg swears it was because she had a signed picture of the Wizard that she used to kiss but no-one remembers whether it was due to something as petty as that… or something more sinister.
The ‘Witch’ Sisters, as they were nicknamed, had a rumoured brother conceived by the Scribe and the Woodnymph Queen Zurline. Ginger seemed to be convinced that this brother was a being of pure power and at the same time, a part of little people nobility named Boq. It is true that Boq’s birth was shrouded by mystery, but it is generally accepted the nobility is a different race from the normal little people.
After the death of Ginger, the saviour set off a series of events that have been popularised as ‘The Ruby Fraud Quest’. Due to this, Ginger has been romanticised as an evil witch, when, in fact, she was simply a user of Bo’s magic.
Despite the fact it is years after her death, Ginger has not been forgotten. In the Amzo Storming of AC5, the main perpetrator was a Wink named Jinjur. A race named the Wild People of Ginger’s own creation now thrives and has started to take a sphinx-like role in Quadcountry. Despite these good deeds, I suppose you could call Ginger…


…wicked.

Yeah. It's based on something, and the last line makes it really obvious.


cause a bird and a fish could fall in love/but where would they live?

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#2 2012-01-15 17:21:13

jukyter
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-06
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

Bump.


cause a bird and a fish could fall in love/but where would they live?

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#3 2012-01-15 17:24:01

luiysia
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-07-05
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

http://web.ku.edu/~edit/whom.html

Grammar lesson time!!


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#4 2012-01-15 17:27:43

jukyter
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-06
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Please! No more!
Okay, that was an overexaggaration and a half...


cause a bird and a fish could fall in love/but where would they live?

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#5 2012-01-15 18:33:24

jukyter
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-06
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

Any feedback? Seriously all and any counts.


cause a bird and a fish could fall in love/but where would they live?

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#6 2012-01-15 19:38:30

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

"where the directions are reversed and 'nobody dies'"
I stopped reading there

you might want to be less blunt about that statement


the sun still shines

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#7 2012-01-16 10:51:42

jukyter
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-06
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

bananaman114 wrote:

"where the directions are reversed and 'nobody dies'"
I stopped reading there

you might want to be less blunt about that statement

What do you mean? With the reference?


cause a bird and a fish could fall in love/but where would they live?

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#8 2012-01-16 11:30:45

PlutoIsHades
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-10-18
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

I thought it was interesting!  The one thing I'd reccomend is to not dump so much backstory within the first page or two.


Minecraft, Redwall, and Cyberchase fan, and PROUD.

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#9 2012-01-16 11:42:52

jukyter
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-06
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

PlutoIsHades wrote:

I thought it was interesting!  The one thing I'd reccomend is to not dump so much backstory within the first page or two.

Yeah, actually that is the whole story...
A very short story, written like a newspaper article...


cause a bird and a fish could fall in love/but where would they live?

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#10 2012-01-16 12:43:00

PlutoIsHades
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-10-18
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

jukyter wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

I thought it was interesting!  The one thing I'd reccomend is to not dump so much backstory within the first page or two.

Yeah, actually that is the whole story...
A very short story, written like a newspaper article...

Oh, okay!  Just maybe pace it out a little bit more, all the stuff seemed to be rushing at me too fast.


Minecraft, Redwall, and Cyberchase fan, and PROUD.

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#11 2012-01-16 14:41:09

Appaloosa
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-05-26
Posts: 100+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

Ooh, I like it!  big_smile  Is that it? Or could you write more?


:3 Whipped cream is the essence of happiness.
- Appaloosa & Co.

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#12 2012-01-16 16:48:05

jukyter
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-06
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

PlutoIsHades wrote:

jukyter wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

I thought it was interesting!  The one thing I'd reccomend is to not dump so much backstory within the first page or two.

Yeah, actually that is the whole story...
A very short story, written like a newspaper article...

Oh, okay!  Just maybe pace it out a little bit more, all the stuff seemed to be rushing at me too fast.

Okay, thanks. That's never been a flaw before, but I was trying to get it done before bedtime. XD
@Appleloosa Thanks. That's it. I'm honestly surprised no-one has got the reference yet though. :£)
Why did I just create a new smily? Anyway :£)


cause a bird and a fish could fall in love/but where would they live?

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#13 2012-01-16 18:33:41

PlutoIsHades
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-10-18
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

jukyter wrote:

PlutoIsHades wrote:

jukyter wrote:


Yeah, actually that is the whole story...
A very short story, written like a newspaper article...

Oh, okay!  Just maybe pace it out a little bit more, all the stuff seemed to be rushing at me too fast.

Okay, thanks. That's never been a flaw before, but I was trying to get it done before bedtime. XD
@Appleloosa Thanks. That's it. I'm honestly surprised no-one has got the reference yet though. :£)
Why did I just create a new smily? Anyway :£)

Is the last sentence a reference to Wicked?


Minecraft, Redwall, and Cyberchase fan, and PROUD.

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#14 2012-01-16 18:37:43

luiysia
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-07-05
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

It was so obvious, it's not really worth pointing out.
(It's Wicked. Duh)


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#15 2012-01-16 18:41:43

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

jukyter wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

"where the directions are reversed and 'nobody dies'"
I stopped reading there

you might want to be less blunt about that statement

What do you mean? With the reference?

No I mean the way you wrote it
I don't want to hurt you
but it was terrible
the way you put that

"where the directions are reversed and nobody dies"

is just really

bleh

I would say
something along the lines of

where left is right and right is left, and all breath the breath of eternal life...


the sun still shines

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#16 2012-01-17 12:34:58

jukyter
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-06
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

bananaman114 wrote:

jukyter wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

"where the directions are reversed and 'nobody dies'"
I stopped reading there

you might want to be less blunt about that statement

What do you mean? With the reference?

No I mean the way you wrote it
I don't want to hurt you
but it was terrible
the way you put that

"where the directions are reversed and nobody dies"

is just really

bleh

I would say
something along the lines of

where left is right and right is left, and all breath the breath of eternal life...

Okay, thanks for the criticism. I'll try that but I have quite a blunt style.
@reference; it was actually the original Oz series. Not so obvious, eh?


cause a bird and a fish could fall in love/but where would they live?

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#17 2012-01-18 15:10:12

jukyter
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-12-06
Posts: 1000+

Re: My (Fantasy) Story Called A Sorceress of a Strange Country

Bumpity bump.


cause a bird and a fish could fall in love/but where would they live?

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