I deleted the old one.
I can't write 3rd person, else it just melts into garbage. The whole time.
Also, I found a somewhat fitting song: "Elektro Medic"
I was being forced to listen to terrible music all day, and trapped inside of a blank white room with no exit except for a grate that the demons come through. They did things to me such as replace my eyes with buttons, replace my arms with ragdoll arms that do not resemble mine, etc. until I’m a living ragdoll. Then I was thrown out into the street to get hit by a car, no doubt, but I didn’t get hit. Instead, I just sat somewhere and waited for someone to adopt me.
It was a bakery, under the name of “Bert’s Bread”. A rotund figure lurched towards me. “HEY! YOU! GET OFFA MY LAND!” He looked at me. A not-very-manly scream erupted from him as he ran away. I felt an emptiness in my chest, even though I shouldn’t have, because I don’t know if I even had a heart left, due to the demons.
The next morning, since I didn’t have a clue what I looked like, I lifted up one of my hands. A blue glove. I lifted up my other arm. Blue glove, like the other hand. “Hey! That ragdoll is moving on it’s own!” A man shouted. I got up, thinking “Screw it” in my head. “It’s alive!!” The shout came from a woman this time.
Pandemonium broke out in front of the bakery. The rotund figure from earlier came out of the bakery, bold and unafraid this time. He kicked me in the stomach. “GET OFFA MY LAND, YA DEMON!!” He screamed at me. I would have cried if I had the ability. “I can explain…. Please. Give me a chance!” The words rattled in my brain, unable to escape. I ran down the street. I, unfortunately, ran INTO the heart of the city, not OUT of it.
More people screamed as they saw me. Others stepped out of my way, and some people didn’t even care. It was raining by that point, and I ran as fast as my soggy, cloth legs could take me. I finally collapsed in front of a hotel-like building.
I woke up. Princess Zelda? I rubbed my head. “Are you alright? You took quite a fall out there!” Link and Zelda were looking at me in amazement that I was alive. Geno was also peering at me. I was solely confused. “Dahaha, they’re so cute after they wake up after fainting.” Geno laughed. “Allen!” Zelda elbowed Geno. Zelda looked at me and explained. “I’m not actually Zelda. My name is Kailey. Link is actually my brother, Kyle. Geno is my buddy, Allen.” She looked at me.
“What’s your name?” I shook my head. “What? You can’t remember? Or you don’t have a name?” I nodded. “You have a name, but can’t remember?” I shook my head. “You don’t have a name?” I nodded. “How does one not have a name?” Link asked. I shook my head in a way that meant I didn’t know. “He’s got a pretty good costume though.” Geno noted. “It’s like he’s from the game. He even got the hair right! Except his eyes….. They’re buttons.”
I got up, and I felt a weight slip off of my left shoulder. “Are you alright?!” Zelda signaled me to sit back down on the blanket. I could still move my arm, despite the fact it was detached. As Zelda picked up my arm, I moved it, making poses. “Oh!” was all she said, and Zelda put my arm back onto my shoulder.
She then froze for a second, and tore off the arm again. She felt the soft stuffing in my limb, and the almost perfect circle that was where the arm was attached. Zelda took out some of the stuffing from my shoulder. She dropped it and backed away from me. “NO. Please, don’t hurt me!” Zelda continued backing away. I stepped towards her. Stuffing fell from my shoulder like blood from a brave soldier. The process continued until she backed against a wall. “NO!! DON’T HURT M…” I hugged Zelda with the one arm I had left. “You need…. love?” I nodded. I was close to wishing I could cry again. I then pointed at my shoulder, picked up my detached limb, and made sewing motions. “You want me to fix you?” I nodded yet again, putting the stuffing back inside of my shoulder. It felt weird, putting your hand into a hole that usually has an arm covering it. I continued picking up the stuffing and putting it into my shoulder until all of it was cleaned up.
Zelda nodded slowly, as I picked up my arm and put it on my shoulder. “I guess we should go home - I mean, we’re the only people here that aren’t staff.” Link interrupted the silence. “I’ll drive.” Allen was Kailey’s older brother who was 18 years old. Kailey herself was 13, and Kyle was 14.
When we had loaded Allen’s 2002 Volvo, Zelda got in the back with me. “I’ll hold your arm for you.” We rode to Zelda’s house. “Uh oh. What’ll Mom think?” Allen looked at the backseat and laughed. “Mom says as long as we don’t have to feed it, we can keep it. Chillax, Kailey.” Kailey looked at me. “Do you eat?” I shook my head. “The fellow doesn’t eat.” Allen was satisfied, but then he asked the question. “But what would Mom say if you said you needed to borrow a needle and blue thread? She knows you haven’t been working on anything.” Allen looked worried.
Kyle was sitting in his seat, without a care in the world. I pulled on my arm closer to me. I pulled it too hard, so it rolled onto my chest. “You remind me of someone. I just can’t put my finger on who, but he’s from a video game, like Kyle said. C’mon, let’s go inside.” The 3 and I got out of the car. “Ma! I need to borrow some blue thread and a needle!”
Ms. Carolle looked at her daughter clutching a beaten up ragdoll with a torn off arm. “Augh! What is THAT?!” Kailey’s mother pointed at me in disgust. “He needs help!” I looked at her. “AUGH! IT’S ALIVE?!” Kailey’s mother was disgusted that her daughter had brought home an unnamed creature that had a detatched arm. “Fine. But get rid of that monster after you’re done helping it.” Kailey was delighted. She took the spool and needle from her mother’s sewing area and took me along with her to her room.
It was a periwinkle color, with a bed on one wall, a bookshelf on another, a blue chair, and a bathroom door. She signaled me to sit down in the chair as she prepared the needle. I held my arm to my shoulder and waited for her to start stitching. You know how it feels good when you get cooled off when you put an ice pack on a burn? Or you scratch a really bad itch? That was the good feeling I got when Kailey started sewing.
She started talking to me. “Well, I guess you won’t be with me for long, because my mom is really mad I brought you home with me…” She continued talking about how it sucked to be youngest in a family and such when after she finished sewing, she quieted down and stepped back. Kailey again froze.
“MEDIC!” she cried. “That’s who you look like. The coat, the tie, the glasses, even the gloves!” Kailey shook her head again. “One thing’s for sure – Kyle’s going to go nuts.” She looked at her watch. “It’s quarter to nine already? I guess it’s best we get to bed. Here, I’ll set up a bed for you.” Kailey pulled out her sleeping bag. It was green. She put a pillow and a blanket on it. “I hope that’s good. It works for me.” I laid down on it and immediately fell asleep. “Tired fellow, aren’t you?” Kailey got ready for bed, returned the thread and needle, and went to bed.
The next morning, Kailey was in the kitchen eating cereal. Her mom looked at me. “KAILEY! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET RID OF HIM WHEN YOU FIXED HIS ARM!!” Mrs. Carolle was steaming. I sat in a chair, not caring that there was a raging lady 6 or 7 feet away from me. Her eye twitched. She then stormed at me and tackled me. “Mother! Stop! He’s innocent!” Kailey jumped around the squirming, raging mass of mother and ragdoll. I was mute. I couldn’t prove my innocence. I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t show any kind of emotion. Kailey hopped around the mass like a rabbit avoiding a dogfight.
The process continued until a dreadful sound filled the air. The sound of tearing cloth. Soon, there was stuffing on the floor. A lot of it, to be exact. “Mother! What have you done?!” Kyle flew down the hall. “I…. I lost it. Ever since your father and I divorced, I’ve not had any way to release the anger….” She backed away from her mess. “And the worst… I hurt someone, innocent of anything.” Ms. Carolle sat down in her chair.
“Now what? He looks like he’s been carved like a turkey!” Kyle exclaimed.
I got up. My front side was half across the room. I closely resembled Heavy from Meet the Medic. Also, my left leg was almost torn off, and stuffing was everywhere. I lifted my arm to feel what was left of me. I also checked my upper chest, and I felt an odd mass that shouldn’t be there.
In case it actually WAS supposed to be there, I clutched it and staggered to the bathroom mirror. I stepped away from it when I saw the sight in it. I let go of the odd mass and stared at what hung in my chest. A heart. A beating, living heart. It was the only natural part of me left.
I started to slug my way back to the kitchen when I saw Kyle and Kailey with stuffing and my front in their arms. “C’mon. We’ve gotta get you patched up, buddy!” Kailey was either really strong or I was really light, but she picked me up and carried me off to her room, and sat me down in her chair like last night, again with needle and thread. Kyle brought her the stuffing, of which I stuffed back into myself, over my heart, which Kailey had seen. Once my front had been patched back on, it seemed like it had never been torn off. Only my leg was left, and that took all the help Kailey could get. I held my leg in place with Kyle’s assistance.
After that episode, Kailey was glad it was a Sunday. She laid on her bed, exhausted. I ruffled her hair. I could at least make expression with my eyebrows; happiness, sorrow, anger, and the like. I looked at Kailey. “Well, now what? You really should have a name to be called by…” She stopped for a second. “Medic, I guess. I mean, nothing else would really fit.” Kyle walked in. “Thinking of a name?” He sat down on his sister’s bed.
Kailey looked at her brother, and so did I. “Well, it’s best we just call him Medic for now.” I nodded, approving of the name. Kyle examined my movement. “I guess it’s all we’ve got. Other than Sheldon, the name of that guy on that show we like.” Kailey shrugged. “Medic it is. Because he looks like the fellow from Team Fortress 2.” Kyle nodded with approval and walked out of his sister’s periwinkle bedroom. “Well, Medic, what do we do now?”
I stood up and peeked into Kyle’s room. The walls were painted a warm red color. There was a desk with paper, a lamp, and some pencils, a bed, a bookshelf, and a chair. Kyle was watching a robot bug crawl its way across his bed. I looked at his desk. Kailey must’ve known I wanted to write something. “Hey, Kyle! I think Medic wants to write something. Can he borrow some paper and a pencil?” Kailey stared at her brother. “Sure.” Kyle didn’t even take his eyes off of the moving plastic insect. Kailey and I shrugged, took some paper, a pencil, and left. I sat down at the table in the kitchen, where I had almost been murdered earlier. Ms. Carolle was washing dishes. “Hey, fellow, how are you? Y’know, from, uh… earlier?” My response was the first thing I wrote.
[FINE]. It was written on the paper in my writing. Messy, but my writing. I sat back, satisfied that my plush appendages were utilizable. Ms. Carolle was intrigued. “So you can communicate.” She read my scrawl again and again. “My friend at the office also has a part time job as a newspaper reporter that takes extraordinary people like you into account.” Ms. Carolle beamed as she looked at the paper and back at me. “Except you’re like no-one else. You’re a ragdoll, not a human. But don’t be upset about that. That’s what makes you different.” Kailey’s mother seemed to float towards the phone.
RING RING RING….. “Hello? Oh! Abbie, is that you?” Mrs. Lert spoke. “Ah! Rosie! It’s been a long time since I last called you.” Ms. Carolle looked in my direction. “Hey, Rosie, you know your ‘extraordinary people’ column in the newspaper?” Mrs. Lert responded. “I’ve gotten writer’s block! I’ve written about everyone I know.” Ms. Carolle giggled into the phone. “You…. Oh, Abbie! I know you have your wonderful daughter, Kailey! But I’ve written about her three times already!” Ms. Carolle told Mrs. Lert to wait a second. She handed the phone to Kailey. “Tell her about your friend here.” Ms. Carolle winked at her daughter.
“Hi, Mrs Lert!” Kailey greeted her mother’s friend with joy. “Oh, Kailey. What is your achievement this time?” Mrs. Lert laughed. “It’s not me this time, ma’am. It’s my friend, Medic.” Mrs. Lert was puzzled. “Medic? Who on earth is that? An imaginary friend?” Kailey explained. “He’s mute. That’s why he’s not on the phone. He’s also a ragdoll. You won’t believe me until you actually see him.” Mrs. Lert laughed again. “I guess not. Say what. You can come visit me after lunch.” Mrs. Lert asked for Kailey’s mom. Kailey obediently gave it to her mother. They gabbed a little, made plans, and said their farewells and hung up.
“Kailey, we’re going over to Mrs. Lert’s at three. Have your friend ready.” Kailey looked at me. “I guess you’re alright. A little dirty, but okay.” I brushed some dust off of my arm playfully. I wrote some more on the paper. It felt good to let the thoughts out of my head. [ALAS, I CAN EXPLAIN. I WAS TAKING MEDICAL CLASSES. ODDLY ENOUGH, I TOOK THIS WEIRD RAGDOLL SHAPE ON. I’M REALLY SOFT, THOUGH. I LIKE IT.] I looked at it contentedly, glad I could drain the emotions from my head onto the paper, like pouring milk onto cereal.
Kailey watched me write. “What’s it like to not be able to talk?” I glanced at her, and started writing. [YOU KNOW WHEN IT’S COMPLETELY SILENT AROUND YOU, AND NOBODY, NOT EVEN YOU, IS MAKING ANY NOISE? IMAGINE THAT, BUT YOU WERE FOREVER SILENCED. YOU COULDN’T TALK AT ALL. BUT EVERYONE ELSE AROUND YOU CAN MAKE SOUND.] She read my scrawling, a terrible excuse for writing. “It sounds lonely.” I wrote on the paper more. [NAH, IT’S ALRIGHT. I KIND OF LIKE IT, NOW I THINK ABOUT IT.]
She read my writing. “You do?” I nodded instead of wasting valuable space on the paper. Kailey looked at her watch. “Eek! It’s almost three!” She got into jeans and a camouflage t-shirt that says “If you can see me, ChromaKey is turned off.” Then I was thrust up from the chair, almost like I was a dance partner. Kailey poked her mom over and over. “OKAY! We’re going to Mrs. Lert’s house. Hold on a second, dear!”
“But mom! We’ll be late!” The 3 of us rushed out the door. As we got closer to Mrs. Lert’s house, excitement filled me. The 20 minute car ride seemed like no time at all.
Ms. Carolle knocked on Mrs. Lert’s front door. “Abbie, come in!” Kailey’s mom walked into the house. “Oh, this must be your friend, Medic?” Mrs. Lert put a strong hand on my left shoulder. “Dear, come in.” She patted Kailey and me on the back. On the outside of the house, it looked like a mansion. The inside was of the same manner. However, Kailey had yet to tell me Mrs. Lert had five kids, all in the third to eighth grade range.
The first kid, who was 8 years old, came downstairs. Her name was Claire. The second kid, who was 10, tramped downstairs. His name was Ellis. The 12 year old daughter, and third child, Mia, followed cautiously. The 13 year old girl, who was Kailey’s best friend at school, was Chloe. She practically jumped down the stairs, excited to see her friend. The fourth child, who was 14 and Kyle’s best friend, Aiden, shrugged and slouched down the stairs. The fifth child was 16, and he hadn’t come downstairs. His name was Ethan. “CHLOE!!”
Kailey was overjoyed to see her friend on the weekend. “Hey, uh, Kailey, have you done anything for the Social Studies report yet?” Chloe asked. The two were partners in the project, and they had to do something about loyalty to people in the community.
“No. But now I do.” Kailey looked at me and smiled. “No way!” “Out of this world!” “Meh.” “Aiden, you’re such a killjoy.” These sentences and other such ones came from the children as they looked at me. Aiden looked at me particularly, as if he wasn’t sure I was truly a ragdoll or just a costume. “So this is your friend, right?” Mrs. Lert interrupted as she led Kailey and me to the living room.
“Yes. Remember, he’s mute.” I nodded. “But he can still hear you.” I tried to look like I was laughing, “So his name is Medic, correct?” Mrs. Lert inquired. I nodded. She scribbled on her interviewing notepad. Mrs. Lert looked up from her notepad. “Exactly what is he?” Kailey poked at my left shoulder. “A ragdoll.” Mrs. Lert laughed. “A ragdoll? Are you sure?” The stitching from my arm was somewhat loose. I tugged at it. Too hard.
My arm came clean off. “That answers your question…. Right?” Ms. Carolle said with a bad poker face. The two parents laughed. Chloe walked in to see the matter. “Ack! His arm came clean off!” She wrinkled her nose. Afraid she might be upset, I backed away a little. Chloe chuckled. I moved my arm like I did the night before. Mrs. Lert scribbled frantically in her notepad.
[CAN MOVE ARM EVEN WHEN DETACHED. POSSIBLE WITH OTHER LIMBS.]
“Aw! Medic, now I’m going to have to sew you back up again! Now I’m not even sure I have any blue thread left…” Chloe looked at Kailey. “I have plenty. Would you like some help after your interview with Ma?” Kailey nodded. “Thanks a million, Chloe!” She smiled. Both girls did, and Chloe hopped upstairs. Mrs. Lert watched her daughter go upstairs. “Well, back to the interview, does he do this often?” I shook my head. I NEVER would’ve meant to detach my arm! I picked it up after it rolled on the floor and clutched it tightly to me. I didn’t care that stuffing was oozing out.
[IS A LEGIT RAGDOLL. IS ALIVE, HOWEVER.]
[GETS UPSET IF SOMETHING BECOMES DETATCHED, ESPECIALLY LIMBS.]
[I DON’T BLAME HIM.]
Mrs. Lert was writing on her notepad as quickly as she could. “Anything else you’d like me to include?” She tilted her head a little. Kailey nodded. “He’d never hurt anyone. He’s also very well mannered.” Mrs. Lert scribbled down Kailey’s response.
[WOULDN’T HURT ANYONE]
[WELL MANNERED]
“Well, that’s it for an interview. Now, let’s just get a photo.” She took out her camera. “Say cheese! Or think it.” Kailey smiled. I tried to. Except I couldn’t, because I already was. Also, from earlier in the mirror, I had a smile already sewn on. At least I didn’t need any kind of effort to smile.
The camera snapped the photo. It was kind of cute. A picture of a girl who wore braces smiling, along with a ragdoll about a head taller than her, an arm missing (Mrs. Lert snapped it so that you couldn't see), all against a hearty autumn red wall with a beautiful redwood shelf that held a television set and game consoles.
“Great! Now while you go fix his arm, I’ll have a talk with your mom.” Mrs. Lert shooed us off to Chloe’s room. “Chloe! Can we fix his arm?” Kailey ran up the stairs. I followed, trying not to fall. Chloe was carrying a large spool of thread and a needle. “Sure.” Chloe led us to her room. The walls were painted orange. It was almost identical to Kailey’s room, except for the other ragdoll that sat in her chair and a mini fridge. The doll looked familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. He was frozen in place. “Oh! This is Edd.” Chloe sat him up in an ergonomic position. He wore a hardhat, goggles, brown overalls, and a red shirt. I stared at him for a few seconds. It only took a minute for me to realize I wasn’t the only human-size ragdoll. I felt his face. Cold.
I saw that Chloe had a notepad and some pencils. I borrowed a note and started writing. [WHAT’S IN THE FRIDGE?] I showed it to Chloe. She opened the refrigerator, and to my surprise, it had food in it. There were some bottles of rootbeer and a plate with a sandwich on it. Below this, there was a second plate. There was a Ken head on it, along with a note that said ‘TRESPASSERS WILL BE TREATED THE SAME’. On the same shelf as the head was a cardiac heart. It looked exactly like mine. I took the note that I had previously written on.
[TRUST ME, I’M A DOCTOR.]
I took out the heart and warmed it. It started beating. The other ragdoll moved. “Whaaaa…..” The ragdoll looked at me. “You’ve got to be joking.” Edd exclaimed. He stared at a mute doctor holding a beating heart. I was mute, yet this other ragdoll could talk?! ‘Blasphemy!’ I thought. I took the scissors from Chloe. I touched the other ragdoll’s face again. Warm. I went to his chest with the scissors. Kailey knew what I was doing, and got some brown thread. “What are you doing, Medic?!” Chloe seemed terrified. “He knows what he’s doing, Chloe. It’s for Edd’s good.” Kailey responded. And alas, it was.
Once I had him fixed up, he was fully functioning. He could move. Edd stood up and fell over. “Awh! I haven’t stood up in a long time, lest walk!” Edd shook his head. He was a RED Engineer. Kailey looked at him, then at Chloe. “Why would you take out his heart?!” Chloe looked ashamed. “I thought Edd didn’t need it…” I shook my head. I took the paper and wrote on it more.
[SO YOU DON’T NEED A HEART?]
Chloe was embarrassed.
[NO NEED TO BE EMBARRASSED, KID. WHY’D YOU THINK HE DIDN’T NEED A HEART?]
She put on a bad poker face. “I…. don’t know.” Chloe sprawled out on her bed. “You must be one of Edd’s friends, Medic. Who is he?”
[ENGINEER.]
“An Engineer? Medic? I think I’ve heard of the two before…” Kailey butted in. “The game you and I play. Team Fortress 2.” Chloe staggered back a little. “I knew I’d seen Edd somewhere.” Chloe shook her head and laughed weakly. “Well, I guess it’s about time Medic and I headed home. See you tomorrow, Chloe. The report is due the same! Be ready, Social Studies is first thing, then we have a field trip.” Kailey froze. “We need some chaperones for our Science trip, but you’re both too busy. Is it alright if Medic and Edd are chaperones?” Chloe inquired her mom. “Edd? Who’s that?” Mrs. Lert was confused.
Edd followed Medic downstairs. “GOODNIGHT IRENE! A science field trip? To where?” Edd walked in the living room. “So that’s Edd? Your ragdoll that you found? I feel like I’m dreaming and I can’t wake up. I think I need coffee.” Mrs. Lert shook her head. Ms. Carolle poured the coffee for the two of them. “Oh Rose.” Ms. Carolle shrugged as she picked up her mug of coffee. “So where is the field trip to, Chloe?” Mrs. Lert inquired her daughter. “Mom, remember? It’s to the science museum!”
Chloe and Kailey both liked science, except Chloe was grossed out by human anatomy. Kailey was interested in the way humans were able to move, and she wanted to be a robotics engineer. “Why not? It’d be fun for you, and your classmates would probably be jealous.” Ms. Carolle drank her coffee. “Of course, Edd and Medic would have to agree.” Edd and I looked each other in the face, shook hands, and nodded.
Mr. Lert came home. “ROOOSE… I’M HO-” He backed away as he saw the two ragdolls shaking hands in front of him. “What did you do? Failed science project, you two?” Edd and I were offended. Edd gave Mr. Lert ‘The Look of Disapproval’. Mr. Lert was interested in communication between people and he was fascinated. “Daddy, these two are my friends. This is Medic.” I reached out my hand. He shook it. “Nice to meet you,” Mr. Lert had a strong grip. “He’s mute.” Mr. Lert laughed as his daughter stated the obvious.
“And this is Edd.” Edd shook hands with Mr. Lert. “Nice to meet you, too.” The words echoed between the two. “They’re our chaperones for our science field trip.” Kailey shoved in her sentence. “I’m sure you’ll have a good time.” Mr. Lert winked at his and Ms. Carolle’s daughters. “Well, I’m sorry, Rose, but it’s time we get back home to make sure Kyle and Allen haven’t burnt down the house.” Ms. Carolle got out of her seat.
As we loaded into her van, I felt a little sad. I found another of my kind. But I had to leave him after I saved his life. I guess it’s like that with people who find stray pets. “I’ll see him tomorrow in Social Studies class at Kailey’s school. I needn’t be worried.” The thought ran through my head multiple times. When we got back to Kailey’s house, Kyle and Allen hadn’t burnt it down, and it was six o’ clock.
“Hey, doc.” Kyle opened the door. The three of us went back inside. “What shall it be for dinner tonight? Macaroni and cheese? Or spaghetti?” Ms. Carolle asked. Kyle, Kailey, and Allen shouted out ‘mac and cheese’. I got some paper from Kyle’s room and a pencil while they were eating. I sat down and started writing.
[SS PROJECT: HEART, RESSURECTION, ENGINEER, RAGDOLLS]
I stopped writing to read. I then neatly wrote out a report for Kailey to read aloud.
[THIS IS MEDIC I HAVE WITH ME. HE’S A LIVING RAGDOLL, AND HE’S
[MUTE. HE RESSURRECTED ANOTHER RAGDOLL BY REVIVING ITS]
[HEARTBEAT. EDD, THE RAGDOLL NEXT TO ME, WAS WHO MEDIC]
[REVIVED. HE’S AN ENGINEER, AND MEDIC IS A DOCTOR. THEY RESEMBLE]
[THE FORMER CHARACTERS FROM TEAM FORTRSS 2. NOT MANY OF YOU]
[HAVE PROBABLY HEARD OF THIS GAME OR PLAY IT, BUT IT’S REALLY
[FUN.]
I put down the pencil. I brought the paper with me into the kitchen after the family finished eating. I tapped Kailey’s shoulder. At the top it said {read this aloud}. Kailey read my writing. “What for?” I pointed at the bottom. {social studies}
Kailey looked at me and looked back at the paper. “You wrote this for me to read aloud?” I nodded. Kailey smiled. “D’aww, thanks Medic.” She hugged me. She then froze. “Oh no! I was so wrapped up in my social studies I forgot about my book report!” I stood back. “I was supposed to go to the library today to pick out a book.” Kailey sighed. “We still have time, though. Let’s go, we might be able to find something.” She started to take to the door. “Hey, are you coming?” I nodded and followed her. The library was a block away, so it was a short trip. “I have to read about fictional creatures because that was the theme.” Kailey walked into the area labeled FICTION.
Unicorns, dragons, griffins, trolls, fairies, Pegasus…. “Aha! Zombies!” Kailey picked up a huge book. It was titled ‘Your Official Guide to Zombies’. “Hey, that’s funny. There are usually two copies here, and nobody actually wants to learn about zombies here.” She shrugged and walked to the study area, which provided desks, chairs, paper, and pencils. Kailey sat down at a chair and set down her book, pulled out a piece of paper, a pencil, and started to read. I didn’t get anything to read, so I walked over to the science section to see if I could get anything about DNA or medicine. That’s when I saw him. There was a small study near the fiction section because it was closest to the windows. A fellow was sitting there, wearing what looked like a metal bowl on his head.
He was wearing a coat that a soldier from the 1950’s would have worn, except for it was red, and stained with some blood here and there. One of his eyes was missing upon closer examination, along with some of the left leg. The foot was missing on the leg, and it was completely clean of blood on the eye and leg, and the leg bone was visible. The fellow wore pants, of which were torn on the side with the missing leg.
I poked him. “Yess…?” He looked at me, the nerve ends of his missing eye hanging out of his skull. I pointed am my mouth and made a crossing motion. “Mutttee, eh….?” I nodded. “Wellll…. Whattt’sssss yyouuurrr nnaammmeee…? I grabbed a medical book off of a shelf near me and covered up the ‘al’ in ‘medical’. “Medddiiccc…. Hmm… Do I knowww yyouu…?” I shrugged. “Yyouu lookk ffammmillliarr….”
(I'll update with more later.)
Last edited by Medic (2011-12-31 13:31:44)
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Hmm you might want to put a 'TF2 Fanfiction' warning label
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If I'm honest, it's alright.
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Medic wrote:
They did things to me such as replace my eyes with buttons, replace my arms with ragdoll arms that do not resemble mine, etc. until I’m a living ragdoll.
This would be a very painful experience but not only do you not give description of the pain you also skip over it with a hurriedly placed etc.
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soupoftomato wrote:
Medic wrote:
They did things to me such as replace my eyes with buttons, replace my arms with ragdoll arms that do not resemble mine, etc. until I’m a living ragdoll.
This would be a very painful experience but not only do you not give description of the pain you also skip over it with a hurriedly placed etc.
I hate writing really agonizing scenes in detail. And when I HAVE to, it's a nightmare for me to try to explain the agony. It's literally like this:
This guy killed a bunch of people because they believed this one guy. I was one of the survivors. I got injured a lot. The people were hurt, etc.
(actually taken from a report I wrote)
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Medic wrote:
soupoftomato wrote:
Medic wrote:
They did things to me such as replace my eyes with buttons, replace my arms with ragdoll arms that do not resemble mine, etc. until I’m a living ragdoll.
This would be a very painful experience but not only do you not give description of the pain you also skip over it with a hurriedly placed etc.
I hate writing really agonizing scenes in detail. And when I HAVE to, it's a nightmare for me to try to explain the agony. It's literally like this:
This guy killed a bunch of people because they believed this one guy. I was one of the survivors. I got injured a lot. The people were hurt, etc.
(actually taken from a report I wrote)
You just need to learn that detail is necessary.
Example:
"It has been months since the psychopathic group committed mass murders all under the obedience of a deranged man who had led them and probably himself to believe he was a divine being. I have been surviving in a ragtag team as we fight illness and injury to survive and clean up the bodies left by the attack."
Is a much better and gripping introduction to a story like you gave an example of than what you wrote.
Also, don't use "etc." unless a character is literally speaking and giving an UNIMPORTANT list of items.
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Also, you give away information way too bluntly. In the second paragraph you're just like "Oh cool moving ragdoll." There is no building tension in whatever audience is witnessing that it is moving or whatever and the dialogue spoken by that man is very forced.
Last edited by soupoftomato (2011-12-19 20:55:17)
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I kinda feel responsible for the deletion of the old thread so I made this:
Think of it as an illustration and not fan art.
I hope you don't hate me or something.
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Powderbomb wrote:
I kinda feel responsible for the deletion of the old thread so I made this:
http://i43.tinypic.com/261p5zb.jpg
Think of it as an illustration and not fan art.
I hope you don't hate me or something.
I can't see it
My computer doesn't display images
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Powderbomb wrote:
I kinda feel responsible for the deletion of the old thread so I made this:
http://i43.tinypic.com/261p5zb.jpg
Think of it as an illustration and not fan art.
I hope you don't hate me or something.
D'aww it's so cute
Thanks. :3
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What is the picture of?
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schnrfl wrote:
http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/ … 4jr56n.jpg
this seemed fitting
I feel randomly welcomed to the Internet. xP
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Awesome.
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You should add in mr snuggleman somewhere
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Medic wrote:
CylonToast wrote:
You should add in mr snuggleman somewhere
I should!
They meet at a graveyard when a cat gets run over and Kailey goes to mourn it.
Or they meet at a library.
Which seems more fitting? :3
I like kittehs!
So then its the library.
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Read the whole thing. Great, but you forgot two ]s.
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CylonToast wrote:
Medic wrote:
CylonToast wrote:
You should add in mr snuggleman somewhere
I should!
They meet at a graveyard when a cat gets run over and Kailey goes to mourn it.
Or they meet at a library.
Which seems more fitting? :3I like kittehs!
So then its the library.
let's meet a zombie in a library! :3
@Lanternpfhal: Oops. I'll fix that when I update it. ^^;
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