Scratch

owetre18 wrote:

I'm trying to write a good story, but I can't get the gore down.

Right now, it sounds like this: He cuts open his stomach, rips his guts out, and skips rope with them, splattering blood all over the walls.

Needs to be better, though.

Something that can almost make you throw up a little.

Last edited by Laternenpfahl (2011-12-24 13:21:04)

Something describing how the character feels while ripping our peoples guts.

Lavishing the moment, Jimmy tore through his victims flesh. The meat is a delicacy. He savored every bit-- except for the kidneys. Those he carefully extracted, for they were gold.

Last edited by randomnumber53 (2011-12-24 15:25:40)

Staring intently into my victim's eyes, I plunged the knife into his chest, drawing breath as blood begin to pour from the wound. Blood dripping obscenely from my fingertips, I decided that I as mentally unstable enough to follow through with the actions that were to follow. Gritting my teeth, I jammed my hands into the large gash, manoevring my hand around the internal organs within the man's body. I could feel his heart pulsating, the throbbing slowing down... in a sudden moment of insanity, I took hold of one snaking intestine; and pulled until I heart a sickening snap. The spasm of the victim's body as his heart gave out. The gasp that came from my own mouth as I removed the long, blood-drenched intestine. Laughing maniacally, I fumbled around in the bloody mess; taking one end in each hand and attempting to skip... using the slippery intestine as a skipping rope. As I jumped, the snaking organ passed beneath my feet, blood and other stray tendons flying off it and spraying the floor with crimson puddles...


Okay, that's the best I've got. I can see this getting probably removed pretty fast, so sorry mods D': My argument is that the topic title is a warning and that this is on topic ^^

He grabbed hold of his daggar, got into position, and.. Nah! I can't be bothered.

Noisy :P




^^ Nothing wrong with a space is there?

Last edited by WindowsExplorer (2011-12-24 17:39:13)

But if they were do insane that they realized it and became more insane? Like the Joker?

But I named an example.

Wickimen wrote:

The_Dancing_Donut wrote:

Staring intently into my victim's eyes, I plunged the knife into his chest, drawing breath as blood begin to pour from the wound. Blood dripping obscenely from my fingertips, I decided that I as mentally unstable enough to follow through with the actions that were to follow. Gritting my teeth, I jammed my hands into the large gash, manoevring my hand around the internal organs within the man's body. I could feel his heart pulsating, the throbbing slowing down... in a sudden moment of insanity, I took hold of one snaking intestine; and pulled until I heart a sickening snap. The spasm of the victim's body as his heart gave out. The gasp that came from my own mouth as I removed the long, blood-drenched intestine. Laughing maniacally, I fumbled around in the bloody mess; taking one end in each hand and attempting to skip... using the slippery intestine as a skipping rope. As I jumped, the snaking organ passed beneath my feet, blood and other stray tendons flying off it and spraying the floor with crimson puddles...


Okay, that's the best I've got. I can see this getting probably removed pretty fast, so sorry mods D': My argument is that the topic title is a warning and that this is on topic ^^

This is awesome, but
1. 'Maneuvering' is misspelled
2. An insane person would not actually know they were insane

1. That's how I was taught D:
2. They might...

The_Dancing_Donut wrote:

Wickimen wrote:

The_Dancing_Donut wrote:

Staring intently into my victim's eyes, I plunged the knife into his chest, drawing breath as blood begin to pour from the wound. Blood dripping obscenely from my fingertips, I decided that I as mentally unstable enough to follow through with the actions that were to follow. Gritting my teeth, I jammed my hands into the large gash, manoevring my hand around the internal organs within the man's body. I could feel his heart pulsating, the throbbing slowing down... in a sudden moment of insanity, I took hold of one snaking intestine; and pulled until I heart a sickening snap. The spasm of the victim's body as his heart gave out. The gasp that came from my own mouth as I removed the long, blood-drenched intestine. Laughing maniacally, I fumbled around in the bloody mess; taking one end in each hand and attempting to skip... using the slippery intestine as a skipping rope. As I jumped, the snaking organ passed beneath my feet, blood and other stray tendons flying off it and spraying the floor with crimson puddles...


Okay, that's the best I've got. I can see this getting probably removed pretty fast, so sorry mods D': My argument is that the topic title is a warning and that this is on topic ^^

This is awesome, but
1. 'Maneuvering' is misspelled
2. An insane person would not actually know they were insane

1. That's how I was taught D:
2. They might...

1. Oh--maybe it's spelled differently in the UK or something. I dunno.
2. *shrug* Doubtful, but the writing is epic anyway 
...Though sickening
But I guess it was supposed to be

bananaman114 wrote:

He carved a thin line down his victims stomach, staring at their eyes intently as they watched him in horror. Blood coated his hands and knife effectively. In his mind it was paint with which to create a masterpiece of the world. His victims pupils went small, and he watched them die. "Now," he thought, carefully fingering a lung "I have only hours before these jewels start to rot"

ect.

soupoftomato wrote:

veggieman001 wrote:

rufflebee wrote:

gross

this is the kind of thing you just imply is terrible so the reader can imagine up the worst possible thing on their own

I agree.
Write like Lemony Snicket.

This removal of these guts was horrifying. A word which here means, please think of the grossest thing you can, multiply it by 10, feed it to a dog for lunch, have him puke it back up, let me see it, roll it around in my puke, and then you will have an idea of how absurdly monstrous this was. Monstrous here means . . .

thats a bit much

owetre18 wrote:

I'm writing a script for a movie. Needs to be very real. Or just a very descriptive story.

Alright then, scripts are descriptive in a blatant and observant way. Like third person without knowing the feelings. So that sort of thing doesn't have to be described too much

The scene moves to a rusty and blood-stained laboratory with several sharp tools lying around the body in the center shot. The only light in this laboratory hangs from the ceiling just above the body, with beams that reach far enough gleaming off the pointy objects. This light looks quite old and as though it may snap any minute. It flickers occasionally. The living personnel of the scene is sitting facing this body as he picks up one of these tools. His jagged knife then punctures the body precisely. He appears to know where he's impaling quite well, using his right hand to steady the corpse as his left glides carefully, occasionally moving through rough areas that require a steadier right, pressing intensely, and a repeated jabbing motion with the left, ripping through obstacles he knows all too well. After several deep and gory incisions near the intestinal and pancreatic areas he pulls out his knife, dripping with blood, and inserts his hands to pull out a long line of intestine

Last edited by rufflebee (2011-12-25 23:46:10)

Read cupcakes, it will help.