Scratch

Good so far! 

It's a good plot, but you might need to work on your grammar a little bit.
I know, I sound so picky, but if you want to be taken a little more seriously in your writing, you want to make it look as professional as possible. Yes, everybody makes mistakes, but that's why we proofread, revise, and edit our writing pieces 
Here is what I think would make it look better:

Animeboy975 wrote:

Chapter 1: First Day
     Ok, let me just say this, my parents' idea of moving from Iowa to Montana was a wrong move. First things first, I hate my name. My name is Rainbow. Yes, you heard me right. That's my name. What were my parents thinking?
     Right when I stepped into Flow Springs Middle School, rushed to my locker, I saw the locker next to me in honestly the worst condition ever. My locker was completely fine, however. I got my books and rushed in to my homeroom, and my teacher, Ms.Dash, was taking attendence. She asked me my name, and I regretfully said "Rainbow." I thought no one would care, but it was a broadcast to the room.

Another suggestion: You were talking about how you hated your name, then you skipped to the part when you were in school. Maybe you should work your way up to that point?

Last edited by fungirl123 (2011-12-13 20:19:39)

Chapter 1: First Day
Ok. Let me just say this, my parent's idea of moving from Iowa to Montana was a wrong move.

I always like to put 'Okay' instead of 'OK', but whatever you want.
'moving ... was a wrong move'. Sounds repetitive    Or was that intentional?

First things first, I hate my name. My name is Rainbow. Yes, you heard me right. That's my name. What were by parents thinking?

"Rainbow"? Don't tell me this is an MLP reference. Also, 'my parents'.

But right when i stepped into Flow Springs Middle School, i

The 'But' doesn't make sense IMO. Start a new paragraph, 'Right when I...' And capitalize the i's.

rushed to my locker, and saw the locker next to be in honestly the worst condition ever. My locker was completely fine,however.

Space between the e,h. Also, is this relevant? Well, it might be later.
should be, "I saw the locker", not "and saw".

I got my books and rushed in to my homeroom, and my teacher, Ms.Dash,

Spaces again: Ms.Dash. Yeah. MLP reference. Uh, unless the whole thing is with MLP names, I wouldn't suggest having that.

was taking attendence. She asked me my name, i and i regretfully said "Rainbow.".

I'll retype... "was taking attendance. She asked me my name, and I regretfully said, "Rainbow."

I thought no one would care,

Sorta contradictory of what you said earlier.

but it was a brodcast to the room.

It's spelled broadcast, and the sentence doesn't make a lot of sense.

Sorry for going over this with a fine comb, but I'm picky 

Last edited by Wickimen (2011-12-13 20:19:52)

Lol, Rainbow. You should marry "Ms. Dash" so you can say "durr, my name is Rainbow Dash". Very uncreative my boy. Very uncreative.