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MrMokey wrote:

Well, the moral of the story is...





Well, the moral of the story is...

The moral of the story is, giant grapefruits should not be trusted to not be full of wasps.

gump

Chpt. 4:

wrote:

So Pinkesdirli-Mordinesqi Nargrtle was busy, conquering puny countries, like Samll Contri, he gradually built up an army of both wasps and people, as well as weapons they stole from places, and no amount of intervention could stop them because despite living in grapefruits, they were weirdly good at hiding and fighting. So when they finally conquered all the countries below 100,000 square miles without fancy weapons, he decided to focus on something big (but not too big). So he started on Nottoobig. Nottoobig didn’t have the caliber weapon to stop such a huge army, and all its allies failed. So he went on to places like Largiér and Plalcé which were slightly better but they were still crushed. So he went on and finally amassed a huge army.

But first, this is how he won his battles.

So at first, he was wandering around the Siberian plains and trying to find at least one puny flower, when he found a giant plant with leaves like 60” long. He ate two and then his mind went suddenly blank and he looked for people to command him to do things. When he woke up from this trance-y state 3 minutes later (he was the size of an elephant, remember?), he realized the potential for this plant, which he decided to call Pinkesdirli-Mordinesqi Nargrtle’s Mind Control Plant, or MCP for short, because like I said, he wasn’t good with names.. He collected approximately 5,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,001 gallons of juice from this plant (it was around the size of a skyscraper) and so he set off. While it was raining or foggy or dark, he would put some in everyone’s water supplies, especially the officials so they would obey him.  Then he and approximately ¼ of his army (37,004,000,000,000 wasps) gave orders to the people in the country to obey Pinkesdirli-Mordinesqi Nargrtle and so they did, obviously. This was repeated for all the countries, which was really easy because he had a huge surplus of MCP juice and a gradually growing number of minions.

He soon dominated all countries, except for the some bigger ones and a random warehouse full of super lasers and the countries decided that the only option left to them was: the LAZOR (Lasers Are Zsuper Outstandingly Rad), a giant awesome laser. But they didn’t want to harm the soldiers that were enslaved by the wasps and so the world’s scientist were frantically finding a way to make some kind of mass destruction weapon that only killed killer elephant wasps, and they found it. The answer was… Laser Nanotechnology (or LNT for short).  What they did was they made teeny weeny robots, like one billionth of a meter long, and they programmed them to get lasering once they found some living KEWs, therefore completely destroying the wasps. I know, I know, stupid, but shut up. So the injuries looked kind of like the wasps had been shot with lasers, except the wound was bigger. Pinkesdirli-Mordinesqi Nargrtle was in despair. He whined and lay around in a giant bedchamber made out of the precious jewels of the countries he conquered.
Finally, he gave in and asked the most famous scientist in the countries he ruled, who let’s just say his name was “Homsaer”. He said:

“DaAaAah, the only answer is to ride oon the maAaAaAgiiccc read-off. RaAaAaAh, get some chicken strips at your Aunt Deboooorrra. RaAaAaAAAaAaA, I’m a song from the 60’s! RaAaAaAaAah, AaAaA! DaAeh!”

Pinkesdirli-Mordinesqi Nargrtle slowly backed away for 20 feet, then screamed and started to run. He quickly concluded that just because “Homsaer” wrote Homsar Reservation Weekly in fact did not mean that he was famous. He confirmed this with a glance on the cover, which consisted of a garbage truck covered in baby clothes and also a large smiley face. Also the title was in 14 different fonts and the pages had borders consisting of small ampersands.
So he found another scientist whose name was Regosjhgxcerwaghvouiyr Cnneiuhvopsawnpd Foliuyhsekbnpod Kiugseboijvuicn (Vops for short), who seemed much more promising because his office was made of solid gold, with diamond studs and silver frames around giant, fancy diplomas for like 50 fields and like 29 different colleges. When he asked him, he concluded the only way to escape this new weapon was to invent a weapon protection thing(creative name, right?). He then proceeded to invent some (a type of foam that dried once in contact with KEW wasp fur and destroyed all weapons within 500 feet that came off with another chemical, which he also gave to him). He was done in about 4 minutes and he handed it to him. “Here ya go! Bye! See ya! Seriously! Leave! Now! I don’t want you here! You're breaking down my office and shedding!”

So he left and ordered like 50 scientists to make 5,000,000,000 gallons in 1 hour and if any didn’t work, he and his soldiers would kill all of them and all of their friends and family and then throw their bodies to the dogs. In 10 minutes, they discovered a way to mass-produce the foam and the antidote and 5 minutes later had 5,000,000 tons of the stuff (that’s 12,500,000,000 gallons, kids!). He then smeared some on every soldier with his bare hands (well, his servants did) and went to war.

The humans, who had some spies (that had really miserable lives since they had to cling onto Pinkesdirli-Mordinesqi Nargrtle’s fuzz and hide and sleep and eat their food there, which they collected every night from some army people when Pinkesdirli-Mordinesqi Nargrtle was asleep) that tipped them off about the foam, started to panic. What could they do? They found some and tested it, but no one could find anything that could melt through it. Its ingredients were so cleverly combined that nothing they had access to could melt its way through. They were doomed.

Last edited by luiysia (2011-12-11 20:54:50)

I do start new paragraphs, but the spacing sucks so it looks like one (I copy-paste it from Google Docs). I'll go change it.

bananaman114 wrote:

i learned how not to write a story

Good job!

bananaman114 wrote:

luiysia wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

i learned how not to write a story

Good job!

was that your intent

More or less. Next chapter, go go go! (This is the last chapter, by the way. It's not that good and it's really short, so I'm thinking about rewriting it.)

wrote:

One of the scientists who had worked on destroying the foam told his 6 year old son, who was at that stage where he was obsessed with exploding anything said, “Well… did you try just using… explody things? Or something like that?“ The scientist, whose name was George, replied “Uhhh… No? We… we should probably try that. Yeah.” The next day, at the lab, he suggested to the foreman scientist guy, “Well… why don’t we just try using that large package of Insta-Splode we have right there in the corner?” So they did, which created one of those CGI ringed explosions that are so popular now, only it was real and really small because it was a really tiny amount of Insta-Splode  and foam. They immediately got a giant government fund and set up like 20 Insta-Splode factories (that could be taken down quickly, so they didn’t take up too much space). Soon they had one ton of Insta-Splode, which the spies that were already working on the project snuck into the big warehouse full of crates of foam and arranged it in a way where everything would explode and nothing would be left but the ashes of Pinkesdirli-Mordinesqi Nargrtle’s dreams. They ran away, and then they detonated.

    As the giant Saturn-ring explosion crashed through the air and the spies dashed away in their James-Bond-esque helicopter, Pinkesdirli-Mordinesqi Nargrtle had just sat down for his morning meal, which was basically lots of pollen and nectar and some smashed grapes (ever try leaving half-smashed grapes out in the sun in the summer? Try it and see. Especially if you live near some bees or wasps or something). He suddenly saw a flash of light, and then was overtaken by a deafening surge of sound and he could see the heat waves bursting through the air. The last thing he saw before he died was a vision of him eating pancakes (we know because wasps die and then explode in a picture of the last thing they thought of. How do we know that? Shut up.). No one knows why. People cheered all over the world as wasps dropped out of the air and automatically flew to the ocean and launched into space to find a different planet, and scientists “studied” how dead elephant wasps burned (they burn bright pink sparkles for some reason) and they collected the rest of the bodies to study. In the end, everyone had a giant rib-crushing group hug (not literally everyone, mind you) and they all lived happily ever after, the end.

Bump joke:
What happens when you dip a red rag into a green ocean on a blue moon?

It gets wet.