Scratch

dixuss the story (lesson you learned, things you liked/didn't like):

I wrote:

Once upon a time there was a girl and her name was Janet Nooneactuallycares. She went to the forest and got devoured by evil lions, but she tasted so disgusting they vomited her back up. She wasn’t still alive, so she was eaten by purple vultures, but they were poisoned and they died and fell into the ocean on a journey to Arglatianillili-poryian. A giant whale ate them, but little did he know that at that very second, the Brazilian government had passed a law forbidding whales from eating vultures full of person. So once the government found out somehow, and they sent a crew of ninjas and 5,000 giant grapefruits to destroy the whale.

However, whales can’t actually eat purple vultures because their throats are way too small (they normally eat krill, a tiny shrimp-like thing). So, by the time the ninjas had gotten there, the whale (let’s call him Pamphoo) had choked and went to whale heaven. Pamphoo’s corpse was collected by the ninjas (who had been promised a reward for success and instant death for failure). However, when they got back, forensic zoologists inspected the body and determined that Pamphoo had died by choking on purple vultures and not from ultra super pro ninja mega powers, so all the ninjas died (through impaling). However, there was one thing they had forgotten about…

THE GRAPEFRUITS!

For no one had remembered that hidden inside the grapefruits lived colonies of killer elephant wasps and one day, they all got extremely, incredibly angry. Why? Killer elephant wasps love oxygen. Strangely for living creatures, they didn’t need oxygen. But they liked it, and inside the grapefruits, the oxygen was running out. So they all got super duper angry, so they devised a plan. A plan to burst out of the grapefruits, and immediately roost in the biggest thing they could find! So deep in the grapefruits, there were thousands of wasps just charging away into the sides of the grapefruit, over and over and over and over and over. And one day, inexplicably all at the same time, they burst out, thousands of them, and swarmed over EVERYTHING. They destroyed everything in their paths, for of course they were the size of elephants (they were really big grapefruits, okay?) on their quest to go to the largest thing possible. And that was, of course, the giant heap of impaled ninjas and one giant whale. So they rushed into the whale’s mouth and right away started building the biggest wasp’s nests anybody had ever seen, angering the Brazilian government.

So Brazil teamed up with Kenya to blow up the whale, since the good people of Brazil have better things to do with their money than pay for a truckful of dynamite and insecticide to dump into the whale’s gaping mouth as well as several extremely depressed people to put it in there. So, while Kenya proceeded to tax their people out of existence, Brazil was recruiting an army of depressed people and a massive truckload of dynamite and insecticide. Mostly dynamite, though.
Once Kenya had gotten enough money to give to Brazil to pay for all the dynamite, insecticide, and depressed people, well… they gave it to them. But, what they didn’t know was that the wasps had formulated a plan.
to be continutes

(this is only the first chapter) No, the references to various countries, themes, etc. (such as, the depressed people) do not have any sort of deep subtext, they were the first countries/words I metaphorically hit with a dart on a metaphorical board.

Also, are Google Docs links not allowed or something? I've never seen one so I didn't want to risk anything.

Last edited by luiysia (2011-12-11 20:55:55)