Scratch

uh... 
Q: Why are people from Russia fast?
A: Because the russia!
(This is not meant to be an insult. Sorry for any inconvenience.)

There are three kinds of people...those who can count, and those who can't.

I once dreamt that the way to get to heaven was to climb a tall ladder.  The thing was, you had to make a chalk mark on each rung for each sin you had committed.  I saw ________ (insert name) coming down the ladder.  I asked him why, and he said he was coming down for more chalk.

 
Ok, so there's a blonde riding a horse. She's just riding along, when the horse sped up. She grabbed on to it's tail to stay up, but then it just started rocking back and forth. Just then, she fell off the horse, and her foot was caught in the stirrup. She was dragged along. When she managed to get up, she was black and blue and had a broken ankle. She thought she might die, but right then, tho store owner came out and shut of the machine.

Last edited by Oneandonly (2009-05-24 18:04:04)

So a duck waddles into a barbaer shop and says to the barber, "Got any grapes?" The barber said, "No," so the duck walks out. An hour later, the duck waddled back in and said, "Got any grapes?" Yet again, the barber said, "No..." so the duck walks out. An hour later, the duck waddles back in again and said, "Got any grapes?" The barber yells "No! I do NOT have any grapes! If you come in again one more time, I'll nail your feet to the floor!" The duck waddles out. An hour later, the duck waddles back in and asks to the barber, "Got any nails?" "No." "Good, got any grapes?"

Here's one:

Student: Teacher, would you still get mad at me if I didn't do anything?
Teacher: No, of course not!
Student: Okay, because I didn't do my homework.

a white person who recently moved from africa sits down at a lunch table with the stuck up girls. the first one says: "if your from africa, why are you white?"
then the next one says: "you cant go around asking people why there white!"

Microsoft:You have questions. We have dancing papaerclips. (off a website)

There is a blondy on a railroad jumping up and down and saying "100" "100" "100" (Over and Over again.) A person came down on the side of the railroad and asked "What are you doing?" the blondy said "Jumping up and down saying 100" The person "Can I too?" The blondy "Sure." Then a train comes the blondy jumps off then gets back on while the person was ran over. After getting back on she started jumping up and down saying "101" "101" "101" ...

I didn't say it exactly than who told it to me but it got every general part    Enjoy.

Last edited by Magnie (2009-05-26 08:50:03)

Student:Would you tell me od for somthing i didn't do?
Teacher:Of cource not!
Student:Good.I haven't done my homework.

the yo mama jokes

including the best one: yo mama's so fat she's fat! need some ice for that burn???

Two men are arguing about the height of a pole, when a blonde comes along.  She takes it down, lays it flat, and measures it.  After she drives away, one man says, "Classic.  We ask for the height, and she gives us the length."