Scratch

hmm
a joke?
hmm

a man walks into a bar


and says ouch

Minecraft joke:

What gets bigger the more you take away from it.

Answer: Honeydew's diggy diggy hole 

ALRIGHT
I'M CRACKING OUT THE BIG GUNS

OKAY SO

Have you heard the joke about the bed?
It hasn't been made yet!
---
There was a brunette, redhead, and a blonde flying on a plane. The brunette throws money off and says "This will make someone happy." The redhead throws a pizza stating that it will make someone happier. The Blonde throws a bomb saying, "This will make someone the happiest!"

Later a man is walking down the street. He sees someone angry that they had been knocked out by flying money. Further down the street he sees a kid crying because a pizza hit him on the face. Finally, he comes to a homeless man cracking up. He says "What's so funny?"
"I farted and the building exploded!"
---
A girl goes to her mom and says, "Why is my name Rose?"
"Because a rose petal fell on you when you were born!"
Another kid says, "Why is my name daisy?"
"A daisy petal fell on you when you were born!"
Finally, one yells, "RAHFLAHYAHYAH"
"Shut up, Fridge!"
---
How do you kill a blond?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool!
---
How do you kill a blonde?
Put a spike on their shoulder and ask them a question!

I KNOW LOTS MORE THOUGH

Okay no blonde jokes guys.

RedRocker227 wrote:

undefeatedgames wrote:

Okay no blonde jokes guys.

Aw but they're funny ;-;

Yes but nothing offensive though 

There were two archaeologists. One is Greek the other is Egyptian. They were arguing over who had the most advanced civilization.

Greek: In Athens, they found bronze wires underground, so we had telephones in 500 BC

Egyptian: Well, in Egypt, they found no wires, so we were the first to go wireless

Mathematician joke:

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting outside of a bar, people-watching.  Two people go into the bar.  Later, three people walk out.

The physicist says, "There must have been an error in the measurement."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

The mathematician says, "If one more person goes into the bar, it will be empty."

      

---------


 


A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium. Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

        

Last edited by Greenatic (2012-03-06 18:34:09)

Greenatic wrote:

Mathematician joke:

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting outside of a bar, people-watching.  Two people go into the bar.  Later, three people walk out.

The physicist says, "There must have been an error in the measurement."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

The mathematician says, "If one more person goes into the bar, it will be empty."

      

---------


 


A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium. Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

        

I don't get it

Liru wrote:

In some foreign country a priest, a lawyer and an engineer are about to be guillotined.

The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by divine intervention-- so he's let go .

The lawyer is put on the block, and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be executed twice for the same crime and he is set free too.

They grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine, he looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem...."

Ecliptic wrote:

Did you hear about the blonde who studied for her blood test and still failed it?


Sorry, I had to.

Uh wow I'm just gonna leave this thread now, since I've understood about three jokes so far.

^Yay, I haven't heard that fifty million times before!

isn't it funny how he's like guys no blonde jokes
and then everyone posts blonde jokes

there's my joke for the day
but wait! it's a true story!