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#1 2011-07-26 07:18:49
My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
This is my first fanfic of anything, not just DW, so go easy on me. 
Here it is so far:
“The UFOs are currently entering the Earth’s atmosphere,” said the news reporter.
Behind him, there was a screen with a picture of a streak of light heading towards the Earth. After a few seconds, the picture changed to another picture looking at a different part of the Earth.
“Astronomers have calculated that one of the UFOs is heading towards the Gulf of Mexico. Another UFO appears to be heading towards Japan, while the third and final one is travelling towards Britain. It has been estimated that they will reach their respective destinations somewhere between 1 and 2 hours time.”
Amy and Rory were watching this on one of the TARDIS monitors. Rory looked worried.
“Err… Doctor?” Rory called over to him.
“What is it?” he asked.
“There are three spaceships heading towards Earth right now. Well, back then, or in the future. When exactly are we right now?”
“We’re in deep space, in your future. But that’s not important. What is important is that there are spaceships heading towards Earth, most likely with the intent to kill all.”
The Doctor flicked a few switches and set the TARDIS to materialize outside Amy and Rory’s house, just a few minutes before the news item they were watching was broadcast on Earth. The Doctor ran out of the TARDIS door and looked up at the sky. Amy and Rory followed.
“There it is,” the Doctor said, pointing at a dot in the sky.
“You mean the dot?” Rory asked.
“Take a closer look at it,” the Doctor replied, and reached into his pocket.
He pulled out a pair of binoculars and handed them to Rory. He looked through them, and could see the spaceship much more clearly. It looked like a huge metal ball, with some sort of device on the underneath.
Rory handed the binoculars to Amy, who, after having a look at the spaceship, handed them back to the Doctor.
“It’s a mining ship,” he said, looking through the binoculars. “Not a particularly impressive one, though. Only four laser separators, and by the looks of it, only a mark 8 transporter beam.”
Rory said nothing.
“So, is that good then?” Amy asked the Doctor. “I mean, if they’re just mining ships then they’re not here to attack, right?”
“Right,” replied the Doctor. “They’ll just take away almost all of the Earth’s resources and the human race will die a slow and painful death over a few years. Maybe a decade or two, if you’re lucky.”
“So that’s worse than an invasion?” asked Rory.
“Much worse,” the Doctor answered, while putting the binoculars back in his pocket. “I mean, at least an invasion would give you a relatively quick and painless death.”
“So how are you going to stop them?” Amy asked.
“I don’t know yet. Give me time.”
The Doctor ran back into the TARDIS, closely followed by Amy and Rory. He pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver from his pocket and pushed it into a hole in the TARDIS console.
Last edited by calebxy (2011-07-26 13:42:36)
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#3 2011-07-26 07:34:53
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
I'm sure that this fanfic will be really good, but I have one problem already. When you are writing of the Doctor or Rory, it doesn't sound like they are talking. You should stay more in touch with the character's traits and use that in the way they talk. That isn't a big problem now but I bet it will get worse later, so be careful with how you speak through your characters. Also, be more descriptive. The Doctor is always explaining sciencey things, but he hasn't done any of that in this story so far.
If you want, I could give you a few writing exercises about staying in character.
BTW, what country are you from?
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#4 2011-07-26 07:43:06
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
calebxy wrote:
The Doctor flicked a few switches and set the TARDIS to materialize just outside Amy and Rory’s house a few minutes before the broadcast of the news item they were watching.
^that sentence is too clunky.
calebxy wrote:
After flicking a few switches, the doctor set the tardis to materialize just outside Amy and Rory’s house.*
*if you really need to explain the time use;
, just minutes before they started watching the news item.
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#5 2011-07-26 07:44:59
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
wiimaster wrote:
I'm sure that this fanfic will be really good, but I have one problem already. When you are writing of the Doctor or Rory, it doesn't sound like they are talking. You should stay more in touch with the character's traits and use that in the way they talk. That isn't a big problem now but I bet it will get worse later, so be careful with how you speak through your characters. Also, be more descriptive. The Doctor is always explaining sciencey things, but he hasn't done any of that in this story so far.
If you want, I could give you a few writing exercises about staying in character.
BTW, what country are you from?
I know, I'm try too do that. But there hasn't really been any opportunity for him to do that yet, has there? And I'm from England, why?
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#6 2011-07-26 07:48:50
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
08jackt wrote:
calebxy wrote:
The Doctor flicked a few switches and set the TARDIS to materialize just outside Amy and Rory’s house a few minutes before the broadcast of the news item they were watching.
^that sentence is too clunky.
calebxy wrote:
After flicking a few switches, the doctor set the tardis to materialize just outside Amy and Rory’s house.*
*if you really need to explain the time use;
, just minutes before they started watching the news item.
But, that's not what I was trying to say. I was saying that the time he set the TARDIS to materialize at was a few minutes before that news item aired on Earth.
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#7 2011-07-26 07:50:42
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
calebxy wrote:
wiimaster wrote:
I'm sure that this fanfic will be really good, but I have one problem already. When you are writing of the Doctor or Rory, it doesn't sound like they are talking. You should stay more in touch with the character's traits and use that in the way they talk. That isn't a big problem now but I bet it will get worse later, so be careful with how you speak through your characters. Also, be more descriptive. The Doctor is always explaining sciencey things, but he hasn't done any of that in this story so far.
If you want, I could give you a few writing exercises about staying in character.
BTW, what country are you from?I know, I'm try too do that. But there hasn't really been any opportunity for him to do that yet, has there? And I'm from England, why?
There has been a perfect opportunity for him to do that. Instead of just saying 'Its a mining ship' he could actually explain something about it.
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#8 2011-07-26 07:56:54
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
wiimaster wrote:
calebxy wrote:
wiimaster wrote:
I'm sure that this fanfic will be really good, but I have one problem already. When you are writing of the Doctor or Rory, it doesn't sound like they are talking. You should stay more in touch with the character's traits and use that in the way they talk. That isn't a big problem now but I bet it will get worse later, so be careful with how you speak through your characters. Also, be more descriptive. The Doctor is always explaining sciencey things, but he hasn't done any of that in this story so far.
If you want, I could give you a few writing exercises about staying in character.
BTW, what country are you from?I know, I'm try too do that. But there hasn't really been any opportunity for him to do that yet, has there? And I'm from England, why?
There has been a perfect opportunity for him to do that. Instead of just saying 'Its a mining ship' he could actually explain something about it.
He's going to! Give me time! Anyway, why did you want to know what country I'm from?
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#9 2011-07-26 08:14:55
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
calebxy wrote:
wiimaster wrote:
calebxy wrote:
I know, I'm try too do that. But there hasn't really been any opportunity for him to do that yet, has there? And I'm from England, why?There has been a perfect opportunity for him to do that. Instead of just saying 'Its a mining ship' he could actually explain something about it.
He's going to! Give me time!
Just curious.
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#10 2011-07-26 08:15:56
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
calebxy wrote:
08jackt wrote:
calebxy wrote:
The Doctor flicked a few switches and set the TARDIS to materialize just outside Amy and Rory’s house a few minutes before the broadcast of the news item they were watching.
^that sentence is too clunky.
calebxy wrote:
After flicking a few switches, the doctor set the tardis to materialize just outside Amy and Rory’s house.*
*if you really need to explain the time use;
, just minutes before they started watching the news item.But, that's not what I was trying to say. I was saying that the time he set the TARDIS to materialize at was a few minutes before that news item aired on Earth.
then use the *if you really need to explain the time use; bit
just my opinion though
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#11 2011-07-26 10:32:06
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
I've updated it!
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#13 2011-07-26 12:35:33
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
banana500 wrote:
A Doctor Who fan!
I've only watched a couple of episodes, but now I'm hooked! Nice fanfic (so far).
Thanks.
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#14 2011-07-26 12:43:56
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
banana500 wrote:
A Doctor Who fan!
I've only watched a couple of episodes, but now I'm hooked! Nice fanfic (so far).
What series did you start from?
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#15 2011-07-26 13:42:57
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
I've updated it again!
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#16 2011-07-26 14:47:28
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
calebxy wrote:
banana500 wrote:
A Doctor Who fan!
I've only watched a couple of episodes, but now I'm hooked! Nice fanfic (so far).What series did you start from?
The ninth incarnation (Christopher Eccleston). I don't have BBC America, so I have to watch it on Netflix.
'Cause I'm NUMBER ONE.
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#17 2011-07-26 15:58:20
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
banana500 wrote:
calebxy wrote:
banana500 wrote:
A Doctor Who fan!
I've only watched a couple of episodes, but now I'm hooked! Nice fanfic (so far).What series did you start from?
The ninth incarnation (Christopher Eccleston). I don't have BBC America, so I have to watch it on Netflix.
Oh, ok. 
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#18 2011-08-14 12:59:17
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
bump
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#19 2011-09-22 05:06:57
- Paddle2See
- Scratch Team
- Registered: 2007-10-27
- Posts: 1000+
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
Reopened by request
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#20 2011-09-22 06:46:44
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
Thank you. So anyway:
This is the story that I'm going to turn into an animated episode on YouTube!
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#21 2011-09-22 10:18:02
- veggieman001
- Scratcher
- Registered: 2010-02-20
- Posts: 1000+
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
The Doctor's dialogue seems out of character for him.
Posts: 20000 - Show all posts
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#22 2011-09-22 10:56:24
Re: My Doctor Who fanfic so far...
veggieman001 wrote:
The Doctor's dialogue seems out of character for him.
Or do you just subconsciously think that because it's a fanfic?
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