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#1 2011-07-07 21:50:40

Scratchthatguys
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-07-16
Posts: 1000+

I am A.I. (MY NEW STORY! :D)

Here it is! All I've done so far! (Well, I'm working on chapter 2 and 3. And four.  tongue )

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My name is Amber Ivans, and all my friends call me A.I, and I also love computer programming. I've tried to simulate virtual reality, and my last attempt has left me nowhere. But, I believe there is something about me I don't even know. Anyways, this is my diary, and this is my story.

Chapter One - Programming Camp!.

Dear Diary,
I am 14 years old, I dyed my hair green and black, and, of course, I really like computers. But, this is one thing that upsets me- no computers.

It was about 3 weeks before the new school opened up and all my friends and I would go there this fall. I looked outside as a newspaper roll landed on the driveway of my parents' house. I sighed as my mother told me to get the news, and I went down and noticed something in the paper. I saw a small circuitboard poking out, and I grabbed it.

I walked back up and sat in a chair and programmed.
I had just about finished a file when the phone rang.
"Amber, dear, will you answer the phone for me?" I picked up the phone and pressed talk.

"Hello?" I asked whoever was on the other end.
"Hi, is this Amber?" they asked.
"This is Amber." I replied.
"Oh, Amber, I wanted to take you to a programming camp for teens next Wednesday, but-"
I started to talk, but realized what she said.
"A programming camp?" I couldn't believe my ears!
"But, it's in another state, so you'll have to stay with me for a week.
"Ok. I'm going to ask Mom when she can take me."

I went over to Mom's room and knocked on the door.
"Come in." she said.
"Mom, can you take me to Aunt Jane's house? I really want to go to the programming camp on Wednesday."
"Okay. Let's have lunch, and then I'll take you. It's a long drive."

I quickly called Aunt Jane back and told her that we were about to eat lunch and then leave. We talked for a minute, and then we said bye.

"Food's ready!" Mom yelled. I went over to the table and saw a quesadilla, some salad, beans, and a bit of rice.

For my mom, it was a meal fit for a queen- or her daughter. To me, it was just one step closer to programing camp.

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#2 2011-07-07 21:54:39

soupoftomato
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-07-18
Posts: 1000+

Re: I am A.I. (MY NEW STORY! :D)

You never establish that it's her Aunt Jane in the paragraph of the call. It sounds more like a stalker exploiting her interests to kidnap her.

And the sentence, "I walked back up and sat in a chair and started programming" is a run-on as well as not very fluent.

Other than that it's a pretty good idea I guess.


I'm glad to think that the community will always be kind and helpful, the language will always be a fun and easy way to be introduced into programming, the motto will always be: Imagine, Program, Share - Nomolos

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#3 2011-07-07 22:34:08

Sunrise-Moon
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-06-27
Posts: 1000+

Re: I am A.I. (MY NEW STORY! :D)

You revealed the biggest part of the book in the title and greatly inferred it in the first paragraph.


http://i1067.photobucket.com/albums/u427/HulKDzN/RebornBlade.png

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#4 2011-07-07 22:46:24

soupoftomato
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-07-18
Posts: 1000+

Re: I am A.I. (MY NEW STORY! :D)

Sunrise-Moon wrote:

You revealed the biggest part of the book in the title and greatly inferred it in the first paragraph.

Actually that's very true.


I'm glad to think that the community will always be kind and helpful, the language will always be a fun and easy way to be introduced into programming, the motto will always be: Imagine, Program, Share - Nomolos

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#5 2011-07-07 22:55:12

wmays
Scratcher
Registered: 2008-05-10
Posts: 500+

Re: I am A.I. (MY NEW STORY! :D)

soupoftomato wrote:

You never establish that it's her Aunt Jane in the paragraph of the call. It sounds more like a stalker exploiting her interests to kidnap her.

And the sentence, "I walked back up and sat in a chair and started programming" is a run-on as well as not very fluent.

Other than that it's a pretty good idea I guess.

This.^

I thought that it was some weird dude trying to kidnap here too.

Also, how can you program just a chip?

Otherwise, very good.
Maybe needs some revising, but a very good start.
smile

Last edited by wmays (2011-07-07 22:55:50)


http://i42.tinypic.com/2z5vcz9.gif
http://phpscripthost.comoj.com/imagescripts/ipimg.php

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