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wulfmaster · 2011-06-16 07:59:26

This is the first short story I'm making of a series. It may combine to be one big story, but it will start off as a series. Please realise that while religious views aren't always the best idea on the scratch forums, that this story isn't aiming to insult any of your religions. In fact, I'm not sure how much religion I go into during the series.

Aria: Myth or Truth?
Aria waited. She'd been waiting so long, that it felt like all she ever did was waited. As she looked down, a gust of wind made her hair flutter, almost as though many fairies had fluttered by. How she wonderred if faires were ever real. She also though that if fairies existed, shouldn't something of the oppisite nature exist. Therefore, she thought if fairies existed so would pixies. Her belief was that everything had an opposite. Never, not once, did she think that this world was closer to ours than she might think. In fact, fairies did exist in the land. While they may be hidden to many, they are revealed to a select few, with the head to believe that more is possible, then what science can prove. In fact, it was this very day that she would discover the truth...

This paragraph is setting the mood, that's all it is designed to do. Nothing more, nothing less. In fact, it's meant to set a creepy tone, with a light-hearted story. If it didn't do this for you, please tell me what I can improve with! wink

Ace-Of-Hearts · 2011-06-16 11:33:42

Cool but I don't think pixies are the opposite of fairies. Maybe gnomes or trolls

veggieman001 · 2011-06-16 11:35:46

Ace-Of-Hearts wrote:
Cool but I don't think pixies are the opposite of fairies. Maybe gnomes or trolls

Wickimen · 2011-06-16 11:47:09

wulfmaster wrote:
Aria waited. She'd been waiting so long, that it felt like all she ever did was waited. As she looked down, a gust of wind made her hair flutter, almost as though many fairies had fluttered by. How she wonderred if faires were ever real. She also though that if fairies existed, shouldn't something of the oppisite nature exist. Therefore, she thought if fairies existed so would pixies. Her belief was that everything had an opposite. Never, not once, did she think that this world was closer to ours than she might think. In fact, fairies did exist in the land. While they may be hidden to many, they are revealed to a select few, with the head to believe that more is possible, then what science can prove. In fact, it was this very day that she would discover the truth...

Interesting concept, however, there are things you should fix --
1. Second sentence: How about change the last part from "waited" to "wait and wait and wait"?
2. Third sentence: Change many to "some".
3. Fourth sentence: wondered, and maybe you could end with "..."?
4. Fifth sentence: thought, and it should with "?"
5. Seventh sentence: (love the sixth sentence btw) Pixies isn't really the opposite, maybe some other mythical thing?
6. Ninth sentence: great except that you used the wrong form of "then/than"
7. Last sentence = perfect
I like your idea, what if the fairies were...evil? yikes

wulfmaster · 2011-06-16 17:41:42

@Ace-Of-Hearts: I guess your right, I'll probably change it to a gremlin.

@Wikimen: Thanks for the feedback big_smile

@veggieman001:Ace-of-Hearts already said that roll tongue

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#1 2011-06-16 07:59:26

Aria: My story.

#2 2011-06-16 11:33:42

Re: Aria: My story.

#3 2011-06-16 11:35:46

Re: Aria: My story.

Ace-Of-Hearts wrote:

#4 2011-06-16 11:47:09

Re: Aria: My story.

wulfmaster wrote:

#5 2011-06-16 17:41:42

Re: Aria: My story.

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