Memoirs, short stories, parts of long stories, poems, plays... If you want someone to review your writing, post it here. Review other peoples' writing, but no flamebait. I just want to see what other writers on Scratch can do.
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Ace-Of-Hearts wrote:
That reminds me, I have to get people to join http://storynetwork.org
I logged back in.
Maybe we can rejuvinate a dead forum?
What's your username on it.. ?
Last edited by bananaman114 (2011-05-20 20:07:45)
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bananaman114 wrote:
Ace-Of-Hearts wrote:
That reminds me, I have to get people to join http://storynetwork.org
I logged back in.
Maybe we can rejuvinate a dead forum?![]()
What's your username on it.. ?![]()
I am the ghost



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Well, this isn't working out very well...
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Well this isn't workin' good,
I wonder why he said it would,
Of course it didn't,
My part; I failed it,
I just thought of that right now. It goes with a tune.
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I wrote this:
You.
Your perfect in every way.
You.
Your eyes shine like the sun on a cloudless day.
You need to give yourself some credit,
Cause there's nothing about yourself you need edit.
Are you blind to the fact that I think your wonderful?
I wrote this because I WANTED to give it to my crush but I haven't had the courage to give it to him YET.....
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camcem wrote:
I wrote this:
You.
Your perfect in every way.
You.
Your eyes shine like the sun on a cloudless day.
You need to give yourself some credit,
Cause there's nothing about yourself you need edit.
Are you blind to the fact that I think your wonderful?
I wrote this because I WANTED to give it to my crush but I haven't had the courage to give it to him YET.....![]()
Well you should and get over with it
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There are galleries for this, you know
Hmm, camcem, I am going to try to beat that love poem. I will post mine in a few minutes when I think of it!
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bananaman114 wrote:
Ace-Of-Hearts wrote:
That reminds me, I have to get people to join http://storynetwork.org
I logged back in.
Maybe we can rejuvinate a dead forum?![]()
What's your username on it.. ?![]()
le 3DSfan12345
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camcem wrote:
I wrote this:
You.
Your perfect in every way.
You.
Your eyes shine like the sun on a cloudless day.
You need to give yourself some credit,
Cause there's nothing about yourself you need edit.
Are you blind to the fact that I think your wonderful?
I wrote this because I WANTED to give it to my crush but I haven't had the courage to give it to him YET.....![]()
Give it to him, if he's anything like me your in luck.
That.
That was wonderful.
That.
The words leap off the page like roses in the wind.
You need to give yourself some credit,
There's nothing about that poem I'd edit,
And I couldn't read it if I was blind.
Responding to peotry with poetry.
I did the same thing only much less poetic and it worked- the problem?
HER ENTIRE GRADE READ IT.
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camcem wrote:
I wrote this:
You.
You're perfect in every way.
You.
Your eyes shine like the sun on a cloudless day.
You need to give yourself some credit,
Cause there's nothing about yourself you need to edit.
Are you blind to the fact that I think your wonderful?
I wrote this because I WANTED to give it to my crush but I haven't had the courage to give it to him YET.....![]()
I bolded the stuff I edited
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Heres a short story I wrote for school
I wake up and find that I am on a bed. A smelly, dirty bed. My head hurts. I look around and see that I am in a small cell of grey concrete brick on all sides except one which is made of metal bars. I focus my eyes past the bars and it slowly comes into focus. More cells. Exactly the same. Then I see that I am not wearing my own clothes. I am wearing striped pyjama-like clothing with a logo on the chest saying nonsense. Then I realise that I am reading it backwards. I turn around and examine the graffiti on the back wall. There is a crude representation of Garfield. Then I hear my name being called.
“Ernest Tropholi!” the voice says. I turn around.
“Yes?” I reply and see that the man is wearing a black suit with a blue tie. His hair is all combed to one side as if the wind had blown only one way. Then I see his watch. It is a TAG Heuer. I’ve always wanted one of those. My gang boss used to have one until he gave it to his second-in-command and bought a Rolex for himself. I stare at the watch.
Then I hear my name called again.
“Ernest!”
“Yes?” I quickly answer. The man looks at me with pity in his eyes.
“I am your lawyer,” he tells me.
“Well then get me out of this place!” I reply.
“I’ll do my best,” he sighs.
Now I remember what happened. I stole a car. It was a Ferrari Italia. I stole it and then I started speeding. Then the police came after me. I sped up and so did they. My Ferrari was faster than them and I soon left them well behind. I reached 300kph. Then the sudden bend leapt out of no-where. The car leapt of the road as if it could fly and then plummeted. It landed in a lake. I freed myself from the car and started swimming towards the shore. However, when I reach it there are flashing blue lights in my face, a siren in my ear and handcuffs on my wrists. Then I realised that I was arrested.
I’m woken up out of my daydream by footsteps. A jail guard opens the door. He beckons at me to follow him. He leads me to a police car and drives me to court.
When I arrive I sit on one of the comfortable seats. I find some sunglasses on the table so I put them on and fall asleep.
I’m woken by the sound of the hammer. “Ernest Tropholi has been found innocent!” says the judge. I smile at my lawyer and he smiles back. Then I smile at the judge, he looks away and pretends to look at his notes.
The next day I rent a flat and then I go to visit my lawyer, Peter McKenzie. I see his watch on the table as I walk in. I snatch it off the table as I walk past and put it in my pocket. I see that Peter is smiling at me. I feel guilty but I don’t own up because that would make me guilty. He tells me that his main argument in court was that I was changed and that I wouldn’t steal again.
After that I go and visit my old gang. They see my watch and ask me where I got it. I tell them. Then they decide to kidnap Peter’s wife and ask for a ransom. I stay quiet. I don’t want to be a part of this. I listen to them planning and throw in a word or two to keep them going. Then I sneak away.
The next morning I make up my mind. I go to the police and tell them everything I know about the plans for the kidnapping. I am now a traitor. A few years later after my gang have served their sentences they’ll murder me. However, for now, I’m free. I decide to return the watch.
I get a job with a relative who ships pretty things made of glass from Glasgow to London. I start to save up to buy my dream watch. Then I see a Lamborghini Gallardo parked on the street. The key seems to be in the ignition…
Last edited by jji7skyline (2011-06-16 21:36:55)
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Actually, in poetry you don't need complete sentences.
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The Sea and the Sky
Like iridescent soap bubbles that float up to the sky,
your eyes
Like the New World Symphony playing for a hushed audience,
your voice
Like the white gull feathers when Icarus drowned,
the papers falling to the ground
When I pick them up for you
Your thanks are worth the oceans blue
And for your sake, beloved one,
As Icarus for the blazing sun,
I would drown, too
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coppearlix wrote:
Actually, in poetry you don't need complete sentences.
Mine isn't peotry...
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Sorry. I was outposted.
I was talking to spongebob123.
By the way, jji7skyline, I very much enjoyed your short story.
Last edited by coppearlix (2011-06-16 21:56:06)
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coppearlix wrote:
Sorry. I was outposted.
I was talking to spongebob123.
By the way, jji7skyline, I very much enjoyed your short story.
Thanks! I tried to get a bit of psychology in my story...
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Why is no one commenting on my poem D:
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Darkness, I'm bleeding horribly, my team is being shot down. Things are exploding everywhere. I can barely breath. I need help. Sombody help me!
Wait, let me start for the beginning. I am C-124, or, that's my code name at least. I am captain of the 124 team of Earth's Space Defence System (SDS). We basicly save Earth from other worlds plotting to destroy it. We go to war, somtimes they last for years, other times, seconds. Well, I guess you can't call somthing that lasts for 3 seconds a war, but you know what I mean. Right now it's year 5021, hour 15(3 o'clock PM), minute 23. I am getting my armor on. I have a jetpack, an airlock helmet, and a bio-metal suit.
Bio-metal is a material found on Planet X in year 3496. They were mining out Planet X (a.k.a, second earth), and broke the drill on some shiny, gray rock. They then mined it out (by picking the pieces up with a space crane) and then made armor out of it, after they figured out how to melt it and mold it. It is stronger than diamond, a long-lost material that was fully mined out of Earth by year 2597. It cannot be melted or pierced by plasma, or anything weaker. The only known way to hurt somone in Bio-metal armor, it to find on opening or imperfecton, and shoot it. That will cause the metal to explode, like a droid ship after being shot with a high-power plasma cannon.
Okay, enough about this bio-metal, its history is very dull, don't you think? The only reason you can read this, is because I am using a time machine. We have perfected it with items, but not people. The last person we sent through it, we still have no clue where he is. He started yelling, then exploded. We sent him to the year 1945, so if you see him, say hi! Just kidding, no way he could have survived that! They thing totally ripped him apart!
Yeah, I wrote that. It's the stroy line for my new game, Space Wars (I know, original name, right?)
Oh, and coppearlix, I like your poem, it was cool, but didn't make much sense.
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