HEY
WHATS UP.
I can't remember if I made a thread about the actual main story here. I've done off-series ones but I don't think I did the main.
Instead of clogging up this post with the massive 3500 (approximate) words I've written already, so here's a link.
And here's a preview if you don't feel motivated enough.
"Jake opened the door cautiously, like it was supposed to explode in his face, or something, and greeted the tall, dark-dressed men in monotone. They explained something to him quickly and quietly, and I couldn’t catch it. Waves of fear grew stealthily in the cabin. I heard Aaron rocking back and forth on my bed. Jake said something like “he’s not here” and tried to shut the door, which was blocked by the darker-skinned man on the right. He stepped inside, and I shut my door, frightened.
Aaron jumped. “What? What’s going on?”
I slapped a hand over his mouth, held up a finger and ushered him under the bed. I then made an effort to get to my door without making a noise so I could lock it.
Just before I could turn the bolt, the door started to open. I snuck behind it, so they wouldn’t see me. I knew it wouldn’t work, why did I make the effort?"
Way to lengthen the post, HWL.
I know, I know, self.
Comments, questions, critique.
I'll update and post when I feel like it, which could mean regularly.
-HWL/KK
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Half-Wolf-Leader/KokiKariya
Seeing as my username differs from place to place and KokiKariya is my more used one.
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Bump for reasons.
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I tried reading it but it's not really well presented.
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Thank you for the criticism.
Can you explain how I can make it better?
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It doesn't really have a hook to draw me in at the beginning. From your exerpt, I also can't really tell what the story is about. Can you explain the story in a summary?
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What I've written so far?
I can give you a really rough gist.
Zane Zake is a member of a tribe of shape-shifting wolves. He lives with his crumbling family that consists of his older and younger brothers. He is disliked by the general population of the tribe for reasons unknown to him.
Zane is thrust into adventure when a harmless fight becomes a death sentence. His older brother Jake takes his place in the hanging, and Zane dashes from the tribe in a cold sweat.
That's it for what I've put on paper so far. I have a good portion of it through out already, but no need writing it in the gist yet if it's not in the actual story.
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So the brother's name is Jake Zake?
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No, actually.
I set up this weird family name thing a while ago. His brother is Jake Ra.
His younger brother is Aaron End.
When they shape-shift, the names switch; an example would be Zake Zane
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Okay. And about future developments.. where's the story going to go from here? Is there some oppressive government system that needs destroying or some cult to fight against?
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War against humans and shape-shifters over a forgotten reason. All that fuels it now is the inability to tolerate each other so the common mindset is "this land ain't big enough for the both of us."
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