Scratch

lolz throughthefire posted his story, so imma post mine. i mean i don't know if i will continue it or anything, I just want some feedback and constructive critisism on it, and ideas for what to right next! thanks 

Trapped

Chapter 1: The Crash

LUCA:
I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I mean, my mom thinks I’ll forgive her for marrying that new guy from her work, after my dad died, if she pays a couple thousand dollars for me to go on a dumb trip across the world to explore a jungle in Peru? Yeah, it’s kinda cool but I wouldn’t let her know that, and money definitely won’t buy me back, no matter how much she spends. At least she could have gotten one of my friends to come with or something, because right now I’m stuck on this private jet with my stepdad (God I hate that word) Robbie’s daughter... named Purple. I don’t even know her, I mean I met her at the marriage about 3 weeks or a month ago, but I sort of shut myself out of the world ever since Dad died. So I don’t exactly know her, even though now she’s my sister, sort of lives in our house. I guess I sort of feel, or at least hope, that the marriage won’t be permanent, so what’s the point in becoming friends with this random girl? She keeps trying to talk to me on the plane, maybe because we both are 15, but the first time she tried I pulled up the hood on my black sweatshirt and sort of turned away from her. Now I’m trying to ignore her but it’s like a robotic chipmunk just chattering away right in my ear. Even the annoying babies at school aren’t this annoying, and that is definitely saying something. Maybe I’ll pretend to go to sleep just to get her to shut up.

PURPLE:
    This trip is so awesome! I can’t believe my dad got married! I am so excited that for once after Mom left, we are going to have a real family! I mean, Mom left when I was about 5, so I don’t exactly remember her. Except the yelling between her and my dad, that often happened at night. And, the great news is that now I have a brother that is the same age as me! Hopefully we’ll become really good friends. Luca is my age but he’s really weird. He goes to an expensive private school because his mom (now my new one!) is rich, but he never talks. All he does is shut himself in his room all day, and wear black clothes. That kid freaks me out, but I’m sure this trip will make him much more likable. I can’t wait until we get there! Even Luca won’t be able to ruin this for me!

LUCA:
    Purple... I’ll never get used to that name. Anyways, Purple finally shut up and moved to another isle in this plane. It’s weird because the plane had a couple of rows of seats, but it’s empty except for me and Purple, and our bags which we just dumped on the seats behind us. I laid across the two seats in my row and closed my eyes. I had my iPod on and my head was nodding my head back and forth a bit to the music of The Black Lips. After about half an hour I turned off my iPod and noticed it was kind of quiet. After closing up my bag, with my iPod in it, I looked around to see what Purple was doing. I couldn’t see her anywhere so I guessed she was in the bathroom. That’s when I smelled something a bit out of the ordinary. I wasn’t sure what it was that I smelled, but it smelled a little like smoke. I quickly dismissed the idea, because there could never be a fire in an airplane - and a private jet at that... right?
    I decided to get up and stretch my legs a little bit. First I went to the back of the plane where the bathrooms were to see if Purple was in one of them. When I saw that one of them was locked, I assumed that was the one she was in. The smell of smoke seemed stronger, but I thought it must have just been my imagination. I brushed my hair out of my eyes and tried to flatten it down a little, then peeked through the curtain to the little kitchen type place in the very back of the plane, expecting to see one of those hot stewardesses. The smell got much stronger at that point, but nobody was there. Slightly disappointed, I walked to the front of the plane and knocked on the door to where the pilots were. Just as I was about to knock again, the door opened and the stewardess brushed pass me and walked to where I had just left. I looked inside the room and was instantly amazed. The pilots were surrounded by millions of little buttons and knobs, and both were concentrating hard on flying the plane. Trying not to disturb them, I quietly shut the door and returned to my seat. Hopefully the flight wouldn’t be too much longer.

PURPLE:
    I gave up trying to talk to Luca because he was just ignoring me and it was a waste of time. I didn’t want to break my promise to Carol to become friends with Luca (apparently he doesn’t have many, though I can see why), but he was just being dumb. Anyways, for about half and hour I squirmed around my seat, reading and whatnot. Finally I was about to die of boredom so I went to the bathroom as an excuse to walk around the jet. When I got into the tiny bathroom I smelled this odd smell. Well, odd for being in an airplane. And it wasn’t a gross bathroom smell, though thinking back that smelled pretty bad as well. What I smelled was smoke. On a plane. I know, weird right? Well I assumed the people working on the plane had it all under control, but when I exited the lavatory, the smell was much stronger, and I swear I could see little wisps of smoke coming through the curtain leading into the stewardess place.
I ran back to where Luca was sitting. “The plane’s on fire, I whispered. He didn’t hear me. “THE PLANE’S ON FIRE!” I screamed to him, “MOVE!” and ran up to where the pilots were, screaming the whole way even though Luca and I were the only passengers there. There was definitely more smoke, and as I ran it seemed a bit hazy. I could feel the plane shake as I screamed at the pilots, scaring them. They quickly straightened the plane, coughing from the smoke. I was coughing too, and I could hear Luca farther back in the plane. “Try and get as low to the ground as your can – away from the smoke,” one of the pilots instructed me, in a reassuring voice. I calmed down a bit and relayed the information to Luca. There was no sign of the stewardess. We curled up in the aisle next to each other.
Silence, except for the occasional cough from one of us.
I started to cry. “What if we don’t live, and the plane crashes and, and…” I sniffled, not being able to finish the sentence. A fresh load of salty tears came pouring out of my eyes. Embarrassed, I tried to wipe them away, but they kept coming back. Luca hesitated, and then put his arm around my back, pulling me closer to him. I rested my head against his sweater as he whispered, “Hey, don’t worry. We’ll be fine. The pilots will get the plane safely to someplace where we can get help, and we’ll go back home. It’ll be fine, don’t worry. Okay?” I nodded, but I think he could tell that I was still pretty worried. He hugged me tighter. It felt a little out of place because I’ve never really talked to him, and here we were in a burning plane and he was hugging me.
It started to get really hot after a couple minutes. I thought it was just me blushing, but I could see beads of sweat rolling down Luca’s neck. The plane was definitely on fire. Suddenly Luca got up. “What are you doing?” I asked, a little startled. He ignored me, as usual. You could say I was getting used to it, but… whatever.

LUCA:
I just remembered something… the stewardess. I hadn’t seen her since I got up and walked around about 20 minutes ago, and she was heading towards the fire when I did see her. “Where are you going?” Purple asked me as I got up. I didn’t hear her at first. I was too busy thinking of what could have happened to the stewardess. Maybe she set the fire in the first place, and then jumped off the plane? It seemed unlikely. But even if she did set the fire, why would she do that? My family is pretty well off, so maybe she wanted some money or something. I had no idea. My eyes started stinging and I blinked a couple times, now back to reality. The smoke engulfed me. “I’ll be right back!” I called to Purple, a little late. I didn’t know if she heard me, but I plunged on through the smoke, using my arms to try and fan it away from my face. The heat from the fire was getting to me. The whole back of the plane was on fire!
I brushed through the burning curtains, hoping that my clothes wouldn’t catch fire. I hadn’t thought this mission through very well, but now that I was here I had to find the stewardess. Suddenly I tripped over something. Putting my hands out, I fell against the back of the plane. My hands burned the minute they touched the fire. I jumped up and saw what the thing I tripped over was: the stewardess’s unconscious body. I gasped, choking and coughing in the process. I grabbed hold of her arm and started dragging her limp body through the wreckage that the back of the plane now was.
The plane started shaking violently. The back seat was on fire. On my way to the front of the plane with the stewardess, I noticed our bags sitting there. I got up to where Purple was when I left her, but she wasn’t there. Leaving the stewardess, I ran back and grabbed our packs. I was feeling faint from all of the smoke, but I couldn’t faint. Not now! We needed to land somewhere. I ran up to where the pilots were. The smoke wasn’t so bad there, but I was still coughing. Squinting my eyes, trying to see better, I could make out 3 shapes. The pilots had passed out, and Purple was trying to wake them up. “It’s no use!” I called. “They won’t wake up!” This time my coughing was so bad, I nearly fell down. I needed to stay awake, for Purple’s sake at least, and my mom no matter how mad at her I was. I was not going to die, not on this plane.

PURPLE:
    “They’re not going to wake up!” Luca yelled. That echoed in my head. “Don’t panic, don’t panic,” I kept telling myself. “Ok, so first, we need to land the plane. No biggie.” Glancing at all of the switches and buttons around me, I thought, “Ok, maybe it is a biggie.” “Um, have you even driven an airplane before?” I asked Luca. He gave me a look that clearly said, “No.” “Right… didn’t think so. Well, I’ve sort of driven a car before… ok not really, but maybe we should just try steering the plane down?” My head spun; all of the smoke was getting to me. Moving one of the pilots out of the way, I got into a seat and took hold of the steering wheel. As I turned it, the plane instantly shifted to the right. I started sliding out of my seat. “TURN IT BACK!” Luca shouted through the heavy smoke. My eyes started stinging again. We didn’t have much time. There has to be something we could do. The plane lurched left when I turned the steering wheel again. Squinting my eyes to look through the window, I could tell we were nearing an island. How could I land this thing?

LUCA:
    Ok, so Purple was taking care of driving the plane. What should I do? “We’re nearing an island!” she shrieked. I ran to the back of the plane. The fire was definitely closing in on the front of the plane. The heat was getting unbearable. I grabbed packs and took them to where Purple was driving the plane. I felt the plane shift. “Did you do that?” I asked. “No…” she answered. Very helpful. I ran back to the fire. Pieces of the burning plane we dropping down into the water below. The plane gave another lurch. “WE NEED TO LAND – NOW!” I screamed at Purple. “I’m trying, I’m trying!!” she replied. Sweat was pouring down my body. “Hurry!” The plane gave the biggest lurch yet. “What is going on?” I spoke through my clenched teeth. Going back to Purple, I asked, “What is going on?” “I don’t know!” cried Purple. I don’t know if what was streaming down her face was sweat or tears, but at that point I didn’t care. We were almost about to land in the water. “GO!” I screamed. The plane lurched forward, then I blacked out.

Chapter 2: The Island
   
LUCA:
I woke up first. Or, rather, I woke up coughing. The smoke was billowing through the plane. My first thought was, “I have to get out of here!” with red alarms going off in my head. Well, actually that was my second thought. My first was… unimportant for now I guess.
I frantically looked around, spotting an unconscious body lying in the wreckage of the plane. I ran over and immediately saw that it was Purple. There were a few bad burns on her arms, but it didn’t look like she had any broken bones. Quickly I remember what I had read in books and manuals. I touched two fingers to her wrist, hoping and praying. When I felt the steady thump of a pulse, my heart soared. She was alive! I picked her up, gritting my teeth and ignoring the groan that emerged from Purple. I almost collapsed from the weight and the condition my weak body was in. I was running dangerously low on oxygen and energy, and the smoke that surrounded me wasn’t helping. There was no time to check on the pilots or the stewardess – I had to get both Purple and me onto dry land. Staggering slightly, I heaved with all of my might, and found a hole in the burning mass. My whole body was numb from the heat issuing from the plane. Trying to get as far away from that nightmare, I dropped Purple down onto something soft and gravelly. I ran back to the plane and found our bags and suitcases. Struggling to keep my eyes open and my mind straight, I dragged myself to Purple. My eyesight was blurring and I fell right next to her. Groaning, I tried to shift into a comfortable position, but the aches and pains in my body were all over. For the second time in this twisted adventure, I lost consciousness.

PURPLE:
    “It’s just a dream, it’s just a dream,” I told myself My eyes were squeezed so tight, and I willed with all my might that everything that I remembered, or thought I remembered, was just a dream. “I’m going to open my eyes and I’ll be in my bed at home, getting over a bad dream.” I opened my eyes. The bright sun beat down onto me through the cloudless sky. My hands snaked down my sides, gliding through a gravelly sort of dirt. Sand. “Where am I?” I asked out loud. I squinted my eyes and looked around, as if that would change what I was seeing. Waves peacefully lapped up onto the small beach I was somehow sitting at. I could hear birds chirping behind me, and the scuttle of the occasional small rodent running through what sounded like leaves. I looked behind me. The sight before my eyes was shocking. A beautiful canopy of luscious, green trees was right on the other side of the beach.
I stood up and started walking towards this fantasy-like forest, entranced by its beauty. Suddenly, my daydream was shattered. I had only walked a few wobbly steps before falling to the ground. This was the first time I had a good look at myself since the crash. My skin was bright red and burns patterned my legs and arms. My clothes were charred and burned, and my lips were extremely chapped. Feelings and memories flooded my mind as I remembered what had happened the night before. The crash. “How did I get onto this beach?” I asked aloud. “I carried you here,” I heard a voice answer. Startled I stood up, with my guard on. “Who’s there?” I asked, my voice quivering. Slowly I turned my head. A boy about my age, with long-ish brown hair, stood behind me. He was a few inches taller than me and had a lot of burns on his body like me. A goofy grin was plastered across his face, and he had rolled up his pants and shirtsleeves, though parts of them were already burned off. “We did it Purple! We survived the crash! Can you believe it?” the boy asked. The smile was starting to creep me out. I didn’t respond. “Purple?” The boy’s smile wavered, but then he laughed. “Come on. Stop joking around. We’re alive! WE’RE ALIVE!” He yelled the last line again, and a flock of birds took off flying from a tree in the forest. I paused, choosing my words carefully. “How... How do you know my name?” I asked. “What are you talking about? We were on that freaking burning plane together,” he replied. I responded with my most cutting, mature voice. “Uh, no we weren’t. I don’t know what your problem is but I don’t know who you are. Or at least I don’t remember you.”

LUCA:
“Purple, it’s me, Luca!” I couldn’t believe it! She didn’t remember me. A million thoughts ran through my head as I frantically tried to figure out what was going on. Well, first things first. We were in a plane crash, so anyone could have gotten hurt. And Purple seemed to have been hurt badly. Too bad brain injuries weren’t my specialty. Ok, sorry this isn’t the time to be making jokes. Anyways, I had to try and make her remember everything. “Luca… Luca… Luca…. Nope. Doesn’t ring a bell. Are you sure you know me?” she asked. She seemed less scared of me than before, but still. At this point I could have been imagining it. “Who else would I know named Purple?!?” I practically screamed at her. That probably calmed her down a lot. Sorry, I was being sarcastic.  “I don’t know, ok? I’m just really confused and trying to make sense of what the heck is going on here,” she replied. “Me too. Me too.” We sat there in silence for a bit. Maybe if I showed her all of her stuff and her suitcase and stuff she might remember. “Wait here,” I instructed and ran over to where I had dropped our stuff the night before when we crashed onto this island. After woke up earlier I tried to pull off parts of the plane that wasn’t destroyed and had put them all in a pile on the beach.  I also had gone into the plane as it wasn’t burning anymore, and tried to salvage anything that was worth using. There wasn’t much, but I did find a first aid kit that was still usable. I picked that up off the beach, and Purple’s pack and carried them over to Purple.
“Before we do anything, let me put this on your burns,” I said to Purple, holding out an ointment from the first aid kit. “Well, ok I guess. Sure,” she said with a smile.

Last edited by funkymonkey (2010-01-18 13:17:55)