Scratch

djm111 · 2009-06-21 17:43:52

norberts wrote:
I'm sure no one has ever heard of that book? before in their life.

Its not a book, its a series of animations.

Two Blondes walked into a bar. You'd have thought one of them would have noticed.

Blade-Edge · 2009-06-21 18:15:53

4/10
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

GoogleplexPlus · 2009-06-21 21:32:42

big_smile

Why do I need to say a joke?

TheCatAndTheBanana · 2009-06-23 03:29:42

hmm
A man walks into a bar and says 'ouch' (all i can think of.)

GoogleplexPlus · 2009-06-23 18:21:38

The millionth time someone says that joke. mad

One day, on a certain pirate ship, the lookout yelled "Three Imperial ships on the horizon!". The captain told the first mate "Fetch me me red sweater!". The first mate did, and the captain put it on. The pirates eventually drove away the ships.
Later that evening, The first mate asked the captain why he always asked for his red sweater when they battled Imperial ships. "Arrgh, that's simple, so you can't see me injured and get discouraged! It's for our morale!" the captain replied.
The next day, the lookout called out "Three hundred Imperial ships on the horizon!" The captain told the first mate "Fetch me me brown pants!"

You figure out why.

norberts · 2009-06-23 20:47:53

4/10
I've heard it before.

Blade-Edge · 2009-06-23 22:37:24

0/10

what do you call a man with custard in his ears?
anything you want, he cant hear you!
xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD xD

SmartIrishKid · 2009-06-23 22:58:13

It's halfway between smile and neutral

I thought up a really good joke the other day, but I forgot it. So I'll settle for this:

"What's the guy's name on first base?"
"No, What's on second."
"I'm not asking you who's on second!"
"No, Who's on first."
"I don't know."
"He's on third!"
etc...

--Abbott and Costello

Last edited by SmartIrishKid (2009-06-23 22:58:38)

Blade-Edge · 2009-06-23 23:09:39

ohh i get it
first base's name is who
second is whats the guy's name
and third is i dont know

ok another baseball joke
2 old ladies goto a baseball game. they dont really know much about the sport so they just spend the entire time drinking. what's happening at the baseball game?

its the bottom of the ninth and the bags are loaded
xD

norberts · 2009-06-24 00:16:13

0/10 you said it wrong.

3 old ladies go to a baseball game and they bring a case of jack daniels. Some time passes and the old ladies realize they're out of beer, but they're drunk and don't care. How far has the game progressed?

You wouldn't know this unless you drink, but it's the bottom of the ninth and the bags are loaded. big_smile

Last edited by norberts (2009-06-24 00:18:52)

Blade-Edge · 2009-06-24 01:41:57

thats 10/10
for mine!

what do you call a man who always carries 2 crosses with him?
a double crosser you say?
nop! iz a priest

norberts · 2009-06-24 05:15:15

7/10 for not stealing this one from a joke site.

SmartIrishKid · 2009-06-24 10:05:38

(Remember to post a joke!)
And Blade-Edge, it's What on second. big_smile

1st base: Who
2nd base: What
3rd base: I Don't Know
Left field: Why
Center field: Because
Right field: (they never mentioned him)
Pitcher: Tomorrow
Catcher: Today
Shortstop: I Don't Care

Here's the full routine: Who's On First

gettysburg11 · 2009-07-18 21:55:55

sad 1/10

Why did the monster eat 5 ships carrying potatoes?

Because nobody can eat just one potato ship! *insert Spongebob-like laugh here*

SmartIrishKid · 2009-08-14 17:34:41

big_smile

Sorry to bump, but I thought of another one:

Q. What 18th-century painter is never seen on ths forum?
A. Thomas Gainsborough (highlight)

Last edited by SmartIrishKid (2009-08-14 17:39:09)

SugarfreeJello · 2009-08-14 17:42:53

hmm

Railroad crossing with no cars, how do you spell it with no R's?

i-t

throughthefire · 2009-08-15 00:52:51

sad Heard it a million times

A boy goes to his grandpa's house for a weekend and he finds that he is eating off of dirty dishes for breakfast, so he tells his grandpa that the dishes are dirty. The grandpa replies "Best cold water can do" At lunch the boy finds the dishes even dirtier. He asks again, and the grandpa says "Best cold water can do" A little later, the Grandpa's dog is barking at the boy, so he says "Grandpa, your dog is barking at me!" The Grandpa then says "Coldwater, SIT!"

floatingmagictree · 2009-08-15 01:02:11

7/10

11 people are hanging on to a rope attached to a helicopter, ten men and one woman. One of them has to jump off or else the rope will break and all of them will fall down and crash. While the ten men argue about it, the woman cuts them off and gives a touching speech about how she will make the sacrifice because she's a woman and they are used to making sacrifices for the good sake of their children and husbands.

After hearing that touching speech, all the men started clapping.

Last edited by floatingmagictree (2009-08-15 01:02:44)

nikkiperson2 · 2009-08-15 13:33:04

Lol nice one, but I've heard it.
8/10

Q:Did you know that Hellen Keller had a dog?
A:*no*
Neither did she.

throughthefire · 2009-08-15 15:37:53

smile

Q What's a volcano?
A A mountain with hiccups

GirWaffles64 · 2009-09-28 01:05:55

:I
Todd and Lester always loved playing baseball together when they were little. When they were old and in the retirement home, Lester asked "Is there Baseball in Heaven?" "I don't know, but whoever gets there first should tell the other." Todd said. They agreed. Todd went first, and went to Lester. "So?" Lester said. Tood sighed. "Well, there's good news and bad news. Good news is that there is baseball. I'm the pitcher, just like the old days." "What's the bad news?" Lester asked. Todd chuckeled. "You're schedualed to bat tommorow."

sciencegal78 · 2009-09-29 22:33:36

a blonde wore headphones everywhere! in bed, at shops.etc. one day a lady in shop said "we dont allow headphones here" and took them off. the blonde collapsed dead. the lady in the shop put the headphones and heard what they said. they were saying "breathe in,breathe out,blink,breathe in, breathe out,breathe in...."
smile

sipi · 2009-10-03 18:24:09

there were 3 men 1 named poo 1 named manners and 1 named shut up

poo fell over on the way to yoga class so shut up went to get some help. he went to the police staion and the cop said "what is your name?' shut up said "shut up" then the cop asked "where is ur manners shut up replied "outside, picking up poo" big_smile

GirWaffles64 · 2009-10-04 17:16:28

sipi wrote:
there were 3 men 1 named poo 1 named manners and 1 named shut up

poo fell over on the way to yoga class so shut up went to get some help. he went to the police staion and the cop said "what is your name?' shut up said "shut up" then the cop asked "where is ur manners shut up replied "outside, picking up poo"

A twist on teh old classic smile

ratlover · 2009-10-14 01:13:34

bosox397 wrote:
i have heard that so many times but its still so funny

i can't think of any right now, so i made a really corny joke up.

What do you get when you cross a pig and skunk?

A punk

YAY!!!! go Pkunk!!! (you will only understand if you have played the ur-quan masters {it is a game})

Scratch

archived forums

#126 2009-06-21 17:43:52

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

norberts wrote:

#127 2009-06-21 18:15:53

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#128 2009-06-21 21:32:42

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#129 2009-06-23 03:29:42

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#130 2009-06-23 18:21:38

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#131 2009-06-23 20:47:53

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#132 2009-06-23 22:37:24

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#133 2009-06-23 22:58:13

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#134 2009-06-23 23:09:39

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#135 2009-06-24 00:16:13

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#136 2009-06-24 01:41:57

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#137 2009-06-24 05:15:15

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#138 2009-06-24 10:05:38

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#139 2009-07-18 21:55:55

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#140 2009-08-14 17:34:41

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#141 2009-08-14 17:42:53

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#142 2009-08-15 00:52:51

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#143 2009-08-15 01:02:11

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#144 2009-08-15 13:33:04

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#145 2009-08-15 15:37:53

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#146 2009-09-28 01:05:55

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#147 2009-09-29 22:33:36

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#148 2009-10-03 18:24:09

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

#149 2009-10-04 17:16:28

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

sipi wrote:

#150 2009-10-14 01:13:34

Re: Your Favorite Jokes

bosox397 wrote:

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