Scratch

ROSMan wrote:

a'ight, here goes.

I edited it a little 'cause soup kindly edited it for me on the first topic 

[Untitled]

1984. Coincidentally, that is the book I was reading when all of this took place.

i dont get the coincidence
   

Reading and walking. That’s how I spent my free time.
Until, right before my eyes, a muscular man swiped the book out of my hands. I slowly looked up, somewhat startled. The man looked thirty-something, had a big mustache, and a cigar of equal size. He looked as if he was in a position of authority, although I didn’t recognize him.
    I jumped up, confused, trying to retrieve the one thing that mattered to me. The man grinned slightly and lifted it up so it was out of my reach. I was now helpless.

why would you recognise every authority figure? and how does a book make you non-helpless?
also "one thing that mattered to me" is pretty melodramatic, but whatever
   

“Who are you?” I asked. I was surprised at myself; I wasn’t usually a talker.
    “Books are now illegal. Don’t you watch the news?”
    I shook my head. The man slowly walked away, still holding my book. I didn’t try to fight back, because something in my gut told me he was a good fighter. But more importantly, books- illegal? I shook my head in disbelief, but deep down I could tell the man spoke the truth.

why wouldnt you realise an uprising had happened?
   

It was then that I heard lots of commotion down the next street. I sprinted down the street, worried. As I approached the sound, I noticed that the crowd was extremely dense.
    As I finally got to the street, I was surprised to see a German man with a long mustache on a small elevated space. The man carried a megaphone.

how do you know he's german?? and what's with all the moustaches??
   

I believed I’d seen this man somewhere before. I racked my brain. I remembered: at a dentist appointment, on a TV. Now I began to remember. This man was ruler of the world!
    You see, everyone in my time has become so focused on world peace that when this man came on TV and said he was ruler of the world, in order to avoid war, everyone let this go.

ok i see now
that makes no sense at all wow
   

The man spoke through the megaphone. “Hello, you may know me as K. I am now proud to announce that no more riots will occur, no more crime, no more wrongdoings altogether.”
    The crowd cheered wildly.
    “Because starting today, it will be illegal to read. Anyone who is caught reading anything other than the K Post (which I will explain later) will face immediate execution. I have called for you today to end your temptation of reading. We will burn every last book you have for you for free, right here and right now.
    “About the K Post I mentioned earlier: the K Post will give you none other than the truth on everything you need to know about the world. You may have the first edition of the K Post free.”
    This was an outrage!

and no one else thinks so?
   

I charged toward the stack of burning books. As I rummaged through them, I spotted 1984!
    I grasped 1984, carrying it like a parent protecting a child. My hands were burning, but I didn’t care about anything else at that time. My only thought was that I had to keep an artifact from a once free world; in fact, a book about a fear that this might happen.

i think youd have to be a bit sneakier than that
   

The flames eventually settled as I sat down in my living room. I was, well . . . not all right. My arms were in a fixed position for such a long time; it took me a while to remember the book. After my burned hands were strong enough to turn the pages of the book, I saw what I had feared the most: several blank pages, with a half-gone phrase here or there. I couldn’t read the book, that much was obvious. But, I did notice something that gave me hope.
    On the page I had left off on, I noticed nothing but the phrase “find help”. this influenced me to write to you.
    The next day, I found a “K Post” folded up on the sidewalk. The main headline read, “ALL BOOKS ARE WRONG. THE K POST IS RIGHT.”

a bit in your face for a first edition
   

The sad part about this was that not only was this atrocious writing, but I knew many people had come to believe anything that had been put in front of them. Even the handful of people like me who hunger for justice will eventually end their ways, after this being the only thing they read for several years. K is brainwashing our world.

how's that writing atrocious
also jeez are you trying to make a point about how the internet's making everyone illiterate or something?? because it's the opposite
   

By the time I read this again, I may not even understand the meaning behind my point. Too much is wrong with this world.

this bit doesnt make sense
i liked your first ending more, but i cant find a way to link it in again
maybe it could be a piece of "ancient pro book propaganda" in a future k-post?

luiysia wrote:

this is, in all honesty, the best thing I have ever written or will write

someone should critique this

genderdysmorphia wrote:

ROSMan wrote:

a'ight, here goes.

I edited it a little 'cause soup kindly edited it for me on the first topic 

[Untitled]

1984. Coincidentally, that is the book I was reading when all of this took place.

i dont get the coincidence

:patience, my friend. patience. and read 1984. 
   

Reading and walking. That’s how I spent my free time.
Until, right before my eyes, a muscular man swiped the book out of my hands. I slowly looked up, somewhat startled. The man looked thirty-something, had a big mustache, and a cigar of equal size. He looked as if he was in a position of authority, although I didn’t recognize him.
    I jumped up, confused, trying to retrieve the one thing that mattered to me. The man grinned slightly and lifted it up so it was out of my reach. I was now helpless.

why would you recognise every authority figure? and how does a book make you non-helpless?

:he's not saying he would, but the common person should recognize some local authority figures.he was helpless to the fact that he couldn't get the book.
also "one thing that mattered to me" is pretty melodramatic, but whatever
   

“Who are you?” I asked. I was surprised at myself; I wasn’t usually a talker.
    “Books are now illegal. Don’t you watch the news?”
    I shook my head. The man slowly walked away, still holding my book. I didn’t try to fight back, because something in my gut told me he was a good fighter. But more importantly, books- illegal? I shook my head in disbelief, but deep down I could tell the man spoke the truth.

why wouldnt you realise an uprising had happened?

:what uprising?
   

It was then that I heard lots of commotion down the next street. I sprinted down the street, worried. As I approached the sound, I noticed that the crowd was extremely dense.
    As I finally got to the street, I was surprised to see a German man with a long mustache on a small elevated space. The man carried a megaphone.

how do you know he's german?? and what's with all the moustaches??

:you know, genetically? and more than 1 person can have a mustache.
   

I believed I’d seen this man somewhere before. I racked my brain. I remembered: at a dentist appointment, on a TV. Now I began to remember. This man was ruler of the world!
    You see, everyone in my time has become so focused on world peace that when this man came on TV and said he was ruler of the world, in order to avoid war, everyone let this go.

ok i see now
that makes no sense at all wow

:um you just contradicted yourself?
   

The man spoke through the megaphone. “Hello, you may know me as K. I am now proud to announce that no more riots will occur, no more crime, no more wrongdoings altogether.”
    The crowd cheered wildly.
    “Because starting today, it will be illegal to read. Anyone who is caught reading anything other than the K Post (which I will explain later) will face immediate execution. I have called for you today to end your temptation of reading. We will burn every last book you have for you for free, right here and right now.
    “About the K Post I mentioned earlier: the K Post will give you none other than the truth on everything you need to know about the world. You may have the first edition of the K Post free.”
    This was an outrage!

and no one else thinks so?

:who knows? i never said that couldn't be true.
   

I charged toward the stack of burning books. As I rummaged through them, I spotted 1984!
    I grasped 1984, carrying it like a parent protecting a child. My hands were burning, but I didn’t care about anything else at that time. My only thought was that I had to keep an artifact from a once free world; in fact, a book about a fear that this might happen.

i think youd have to be a bit sneakier than that

:not really. All the propaganda going on makes for an easy escape.
   

The flames eventually settled as I sat down in my living room. I was, well . . . not all right. My arms were in a fixed position for such a long time; it took me a while to remember the book. After my burned hands were strong enough to turn the pages of the book, I saw what I had feared the most: several blank pages, with a half-gone phrase here or there. I couldn’t read the book, that much was obvious. But, I did notice something that gave me hope.
    On the page I had left off on, I noticed nothing but the phrase “find help”. this influenced me to write to you.
    The next day, I found a “K Post” folded up on the sidewalk. The main headline read, “ALL BOOKS ARE WRONG. THE K POST IS RIGHT.”

a bit in your face for a first edition

:they are bold people.
   

The sad part about this was that not only was this atrocious writing, but I knew many people had come to believe anything that had been put in front of them. Even the handful of people like me who hunger for justice will eventually end their ways, after this being the only thing they read for several years. K is brainwashing our world.

how's that writing atrocious
:you just said that it was a bit in your face. plus “ALL BOOKS ARE WRONG. THE K POST IS RIGHT.” is not what you'd call a pulitzer winner 
also jeez are you trying to make a point about how the internet's making everyone illiterate or something?? because it's the opposite

:no this isn't about the internet... it's just society in general.
   

By the time I read this again, I may not even understand the meaning behind my point. Too much is wrong with this world.

this bit doesnt make sense

:how so?
i liked your first ending more, but i cant find a way to link it in again
maybe it could be a piece of "ancient pro book propaganda" in a future k-post?

although i appreciate your editing the story, could you please try not assuming too much? but all in all, thanks.

Last edited by ROSMan (2013-04-16 20:33:25)

ROSMan wrote:

Waffle27 wrote:

@ROSman-I personally loved your story! Its a nice prolouge/first chapter to a full out novel! 
@genderdysmorpia-I'm guessing this was meant to become a novel, not just a clip of writing. From my point of view, it seems like its ysteriously setting up the stage for the rest of the novel.    (Of course, I'm not ROSman so I don't know for sure.)

why, thank you! i was deeply inspired by 1984, Anthem, and Animal Farm

and honestly, this was meant to be a short story, but I am now contemplating whether or not to write more.    see it was meant to be a cliffhanger, but most are disappointed with the ending, so i'm rethinking it.

I think it would make a great long novel! Where the MC tries to overthrow the ruler, bring back the books, etc. Maybe he founds a secret society called "Believers in Books" or something, where they help him.
Anyway, this would be an awesome full length book! Maybe a mystery about K's true identity and such.

zubblewu wrote:

Waffle27 wrote:

ROSMan wrote:

why, thank you! i was deeply inspired by 1984, Anthem, and Animal Farm

and honestly, this was meant to be a short story, but I am now contemplating whether or not to write more.    see it was meant to be a cliffhanger, but most are disappointed with the ending, so i'm rethinking it.

I think it would make a great long novel! Where the MC tries to overthrow the ruler, bring back the books, etc. Maybe he founds a secret society called "Believers in Books" or something, where they help him.
Anyway, this would be an awesome full length book! Maybe a mystery about K's true identity and such.

have you even read any of the books he listed?

No, why?

What is Animal Farm about? I hear it referred to a lot on Scratch.

(it was a satire of the russian revolution)

So are there any other opinions on my second writing peice? Keep in mind this hasn't been edited yet so its definitly not the best.

zubblewu wrote:

Sellout wrote:

I know

not everyone does

It wasn't particularly relevant anyway. Pretty sure Waffle was asking about the plot, not its implications. If someone asked me for a summary of the Lorax I wouldn't tell them "Oh, it's about industrialization's negative impact on the environment" without mentioning a small fuzzy man with a moustache. Good for you, knowing what the Russian Revolution was! It just didn't need to be inserted there much at all

Yes but when someone is asking for a quick overview of the story it isn't particularly necessary for them to completely understand the plot or what it was "really" about, and if they don't know anything about the Russian Revolution in the first place it isn't going to matter to them

Fine

I wouldn't care about or care to know about a book's "historical context" if I didn't pick up on any upon just reading it. I can interpret things fine on my own without them having to be applied to specific things totally irrelevant to me

zubblewu wrote:

what harm does it do to post that information?

None. I said "fine!" I accepted your argument! You won!!