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#1 2013-02-14 10:38:46

PurpleDolphin
New Scratcher
Registered: 2013-02-12
Posts: 14

The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

Chapter 1


It was a hot day in Orlando, Florida. And everyone was at the beach. Including Ashley's family. Ashley was called Ash for short and she was twelve years old.
She had a brother named Matt and they always seemed to get together. "Mom?" asked
Ashley. "Yes honey?" Asked her mom in concern. "Can I go in the water?" pleated Ashley.
"Yes but don't go too far" said her mom reading a magazine. Ashley jumped into the salty ocean and swimmed around. She felt fishes go past her feet she giggled. She felt free and she wished she could live down in the ocean. She looked out toward the ocean and saw a purple object swimming. "What could that be?" Wondered Ashley. "Ash!" called out mom  using her daughter's nickname. Ashley came out of the water and sat between her mom and dad. "Mom?" asked Ashley. "What is it dear?" said her mom helping Matt build a sandcastle.
"I think I saw a shark or a dolphin" answered Ashley. "Oh Ashley there are no sharks around her and they might possibly be a dolphin swimming around here but I'm not sure" replied mom. Ashley quietly sat on the sand and began to draw a purple dolphin
on the smooth sand. "I know there is a purple dolphin out there"
murmured Ashley. "Kids lets go back to the resort and play ping pong"
suggested dad. "Sounds great to me!" agreed mom. The Walker family went back to the resort and played ping pong. Ashley was still wondering what was out there. She may never know or will she?

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#2 2013-02-14 11:04:42

disney22girl
Scratcher
Registered: 2012-09-08
Posts: 100+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

I'm making you a shout out I love ur stories make more


When you wanna see my sexy just ask  smile

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#3 2013-02-14 11:18:37

Nomolos
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-07-29
Posts: 1000+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

Nice work PurpleDolphin! You're doing great!  big_smile

So here is some stuff I would change in the beginning. You don't have to do anything like this: (I'll mark in red what I changed)

It was a hot day in Orlando, Florida, and everyone was at the beach. Including Ashley Walker's family.

Last edited by Nomolos (2013-02-14 11:27:11)


Goodbye 1.4. I'll always remember you and treasure your awesomeness in my heart.
RIP 1.4: 2007-2013 *Sniffles* *Sobs* *Bursts into tears*

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#4 2013-02-14 11:24:55

PurpleDolphin
New Scratcher
Registered: 2013-02-12
Posts: 14

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

Thanks :-') I will on the next chapter thanks for the advise ;-)

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#5 2013-02-14 11:29:13

Nomolos
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-07-29
Posts: 1000+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

PurpleDolphin wrote:

Thanks :-') I will on the next chapter thanks for the advise ;-)

You're welcome! I'm writing a book too, so I thought it would be nice to help another author out!


Goodbye 1.4. I'll always remember you and treasure your awesomeness in my heart.
RIP 1.4: 2007-2013 *Sniffles* *Sobs* *Bursts into tears*

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#6 2013-02-14 12:12:48

disney22girl
Scratcher
Registered: 2012-09-08
Posts: 100+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

:-)


When you wanna see my sexy just ask  smile

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#7 2013-02-14 12:52:12

PurpleDolphin
New Scratcher
Registered: 2013-02-12
Posts: 14

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

Yay!!!!

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#8 2013-02-15 11:45:47

fireheartocean
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-01-06
Posts: 500+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

Awesome! ^u^ I just have one little tip. When you use quotation marks to show that someone is speaking, you always punctuate it with a comma where a period would go in a normal sentence (Unless you are using a question mark or exclamation point.) So... like this: "I would like to visit Ireland," or "I am going to the mall tomorrow," etc. Just a tip to make your writing look more professional. ;3


**May StarClan light your path**

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#9 2013-02-15 21:56:17

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

You need to start a new paragraph when a new haracter starts talking


the sun still shines

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#10 2013-02-15 22:48:29

Necromaster
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-04-07
Posts: 1000+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

bananaman114 wrote:

You need to start a new paragraph when a new haracter starts talking

Great. I love haracters.

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#11 2013-02-16 01:01:12

banana500
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-09-06
Posts: 1000+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

Hey what happened to my constructive criticism.


http://i.imgur.com/jrCyB2r.gif
'Cause I'm NUMBER ONE.

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#12 2013-02-16 08:00:26

Boombloom
New Scratcher
Registered: 2013-02-16
Posts: 3

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

Banana, PurpleDolphin Made a new thread

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#13 2013-02-16 13:55:32

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

Necromaster wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

You need to start a new paragraph when a new haracter starts talking

Great. I love haracters.

me too omg, they're so much beter then characters


the sun still shines

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#14 2013-02-16 14:03:09

zubblewu
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-02-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

i personally prefer caricatures


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#15 2013-02-16 23:11:08

Boombloom
New Scratcher
Registered: 2013-02-16
Posts: 3

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

:d

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#16 2013-02-16 23:51:16

luiysia
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-07-05
Posts: 1000+

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

zubblewu wrote:

i personally prefer caricatures

sux 4 u


http://i50.tinypic.com/dx00pd.gif

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#17 2013-02-17 15:00:43

Boombloom
New Scratcher
Registered: 2013-02-16
Posts: 3

Re: The purple dolphin by PurpleDolphin (fixed)

This is a awesome story

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