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#1 2012-12-14 23:39:33

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Oh look i wrote something again!

It doesn't have a title because I can't think of one
and it's still a work in progress but i feel like i haven't shared my work in a while
big_smile 


   The protagonist of this story is a She. This can be interpreted as 'The protagonist of this story is a living breathing functioning thinking human being who is female, meaning they have different chromosomes and genes then those who are male. They are regarded as He.' She would often acknowledge the existence of this distinction but rarely  realize how strange it is that She was born a She and not a He and to a greater degree that she was born at all into a world that exists for a reason it's inhabitants have yet to discover. Thousands of theories had circulated but the solid fact was that She was one of billions of other Shes who were part of a 7 billion fold population that also consisted of billions of Hes struggling for survival on an island on a planet travelling around the sun travelling across the universe.
  Her name was Madeline, and she had been in this sphere of sad existence called Earth for fifteen years. Her father had been living for fifty years. This meant that a He who was brought into existence by a He and a She had been a He for fifty years, and that He and a She has been involved in the conception of a child. This child was Madeline, and it was his job to protect her. The world however, was an uncompromising one, and it had other ideas for this little girl. It would show her things she did not wish to see and things her father would never wish her to see. These horrors of reality would frequent her dreams, a place where she was vulnerable. Monsters of all kinds would come alive within the fabric of her innocent mind. She would rise out of her dormancy, crying for her father. He would comfort her and sleep with her, but the nightmares never fully stopped. There would always be a creature in the dark to make her fear the sanctuary of sleep. 
      It was from one of these nightmares that she had woken at the beginning of our tale. The sky was as red as the leaves falling from the trees. There was a strong, but gentle wind blowing through the city of Arlington, stirring debris from the streets and hats from people's heads. Madeline stumbled alone through the forest that she had often been warned about, but still continued to enter. She often liked to wander through here, and by now she knew it quite well.
  Soon the trees would thin out and it would become a dense field of weeds and long grass. She remembered this much. She did not remember the church sitting square in the middle of the weeds. She did not know the man who stood on it's step but she knew that the mind is incapable of creating it's own faces. She would have to be drawing from somewhere. She was not conscious of this at the time because she was dreaming, but she would later reflect on the fact that somebody else in the world had that nose, or that mouth, or those beady little eyes. Yet the church was there and the man was there staring at her with his crazy eyes and his long cloak that draped down past his ankles.  The man laughed and he laughed long and deep, and as he did the world shook. The pillars of the church shook and the walls fell and the man continued to laugh as if it was all some sort of joke.
   What kind of maniac was he? The churches walls tumbled and the roof collapsed as the man walked towards her. A statue of Anubis stood triumphant in the rubble, the last part of the church that was not destroyed. Still the man walked forward and Madeline thought to flee. The man stopped laughing but the tremors did not cease.


what do you think


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#2 2012-12-14 23:41:00

Wickimen
Scratcher
Registered: 2009-08-02
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

A+++


xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

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#3 2012-12-14 23:42:05

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

Wickimen wrote:

A+++

No


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#4 2012-12-14 23:49:10

zubblewu
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-02-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

jeenyus

publish it! it could be a bestseller!

Last edited by zubblewu (2012-12-14 23:49:49)


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#5 2012-12-15 00:01:58

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

zubblewu wrote:

jeenyus

publish it! it could be a bestseller!

Thanks! but I've never seen something that short get published! I need to add more.
if i publish it tho i'll want to not post it on scratch


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#6 2012-12-15 20:24:42

luiysia
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-07-05
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

you could submit it to a children's magazine :')

I like it


http://i50.tinypic.com/dx00pd.gif

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#7 2012-12-15 22:49:41

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

luiysia wrote:

you could submit it to a children's magazine :')

I like it

I would except for the fact that the plot becomes insidious and sinister towards the end
hence the statue of Anubis, the Egyptian god of Death
wink


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#8 2012-12-15 23:18:40

zubblewu
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-02-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

yu heretic! i shud condem yu frm evrything bcuz yu mentioned it!!!


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#9 2012-12-15 23:26:09

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

zubblewu wrote:

yu heretic! i shud condem yu frm evrything bcuz yu mentioned it!!!

im gon burn undrgraond
i sorry zubblwu i menshund a ded religun


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#10 2012-12-15 23:29:27

zubblewu
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-02-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

bananaman114 wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

yu heretic! i shud condem yu frm evrything bcuz yu mentioned it!!!

im gon burn undrgraond
i sorry zubblwu i menshund a ded religun

yu menshuned a relijun thas nt christianity
yur gna go 2 hell 4 dat!!!111!!!
so hv fum wiv dat


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#11 2012-12-15 23:32:35

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

zubblewu wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

yu heretic! i shud condem yu frm evrything bcuz yu mentioned it!!!

im gon burn undrgraond
i sorry zubblwu i menshund a ded religun

yu menshuned a relijun thas nt christianity
yur gna go 2 hell 4 dat!!!111!!!
so hv fum wiv dat

i totly wil
not ot mensun i mnsnd a chrch falln down
i must be a trrist


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#12 2012-12-15 23:33:22

zubblewu
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-02-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

bananaman114 wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:


im gon burn undrgraond
i sorry zubblwu i menshund a ded religun

yu menshuned a relijun thas nt christianity
yur gna go 2 hell 4 dat!!!111!!!
so hv fum wiv dat

i totly wil
not ot mensun i mnsnd a chrch falln down
i must be a trrist

o ya. yu meeny!


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#13 2012-12-15 23:33:54

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

zubblewu wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

zubblewu wrote:


yu menshuned a relijun thas nt christianity
yur gna go 2 hell 4 dat!!!111!!!
so hv fum wiv dat

i totly wil
not ot mensun i mnsnd a chrch falln down
i must be a trrist

o ya. yu meeny!

im sori i go to my rooom now and sit in da notty cornr


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#14 2012-12-15 23:36:36

fillergames
Scratcher
Registered: 2012-10-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

Make this a story!!!!


http://i50.tinypic.com/2ufvxc5_th.gif Grammer? Whats grammar?

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#15 2012-12-15 23:37:21

zubblewu
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-02-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

bananaman114 wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:


i totly wil
not ot mensun i mnsnd a chrch falln down
i must be a trrist

o ya. yu meeny!

im sori i go to my rooom now and sit in da notty cornr

ys go b notty dere nt heer


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#16 2012-12-15 23:38:23

fillergames
Scratcher
Registered: 2012-10-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

zubblewu wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

zubblewu wrote:


o ya. yu meeny!

im sori i go to my rooom now and sit in da notty cornr

ys go b notty dere nt heer

Soo much LOL speak.


http://i50.tinypic.com/2ufvxc5_th.gif Grammer? Whats grammar?

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#17 2012-12-15 23:45:27

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

fillergames wrote:

zubblewu wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:


im sori i go to my rooom now and sit in da notty cornr

ys go b notty dere nt heer

Soo much LOL speak.

you can't always be serious


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#18 2012-12-15 23:46:11

zubblewu
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-02-17
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

bananaman114 wrote:

fillergames wrote:

zubblewu wrote:


ys go b notty dere nt heer

Soo much LOL speak.

you can't always be serious

but maybe you can


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#19 2012-12-15 23:48:57

veggieman001
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-02-20
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

fillergames wrote:

Make this a story!!!!

isn't it already


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#20 2012-12-15 23:51:13

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

veggieman001 wrote:

fillergames wrote:

Make this a story!!!!

isn't it already

it is but only a short one at the moment


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#21 2012-12-15 23:51:18

luiysia
Scratcher
Registered: 2011-07-05
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

bananaman114 wrote:

luiysia wrote:

you could submit it to a children's magazine :')

I like it

I would except for the fact that the plot becomes insidious and sinister towards the end
hence the statue of Anubis, the Egyptian god of Death
wink

an adults magazine


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#22 2012-12-15 23:51:39

fillergames
Scratcher
Registered: 2012-10-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

veggieman001 wrote:

fillergames wrote:

Make this a story!!!!

isn't it already

Too short for a story. Also fix the paragraphs, they don't have the 1 line gap inbetween them.


http://i50.tinypic.com/2ufvxc5_th.gif Grammer? Whats grammar?

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#23 2012-12-15 23:52:47

bananaman114
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-03-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

luiysia wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:

luiysia wrote:

you could submit it to a children's magazine :')

I like it

I would except for the fact that the plot becomes insidious and sinister towards the end
hence the statue of Anubis, the Egyptian god of Death
wink

an adults magazine

perhaps


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#24 2012-12-16 00:18:24

fillergames
Scratcher
Registered: 2012-10-15
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

bananaman114 wrote:

luiysia wrote:

bananaman114 wrote:


I would except for the fact that the plot becomes insidious and sinister towards the end
hence the statue of Anubis, the Egyptian god of Death
wink

an adults magazine

perhaps

Teen magazine.


http://i50.tinypic.com/2ufvxc5_th.gif Grammer? Whats grammar?

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#25 2012-12-16 00:31:19

veggieman001
Scratcher
Registered: 2010-02-20
Posts: 1000+

Re: Oh look i wrote something again!

fillergames wrote:

veggieman001 wrote:

fillergames wrote:

Make this a story!!!!

isn't it already

Too short for a story. Also fix the paragraphs, they don't have the 1 line gap inbetween them.

There's no length requirement for a "story".

And paragraphs aren't supposed to have a line between them if they're indented; one or the other, but not both.


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